Dear Di

Dear Di is the Fulcrum foremost expert in sexual relations
Image: Christine Wang/Fulcrum
Reading Time: 2 minutes

Does his choice say something about how he feels about me?

Dear Di, 

My boyfriend and I watch The Bachelor together every week. But the contestant that he roots for is awful. For example, she calls herself a ‘queen’ and she spreads rumours about other girls to get them kicked-off the show. In short, her behaviour is both narcissistic and rude. Whenever she does something awful, he’ll laugh and egg her on through the television screen. This behaviour confuses me. Basically, I’m afraid to ask him why he likes her so much — I don’t want to hear the answer.

So my question is, should I be worried that his preference in Bachelor contestants says something about how he sees me? Is he only attracted to narcissistic ‘queens’? 


Wannabe Narcissistic Queen

Dear WNQ, 

The simple answer is no, your boyfriend does not like rude narcissists. Not many people do. The part of your question that stuck-out to me the most was the line: “I’m afraid to ask him why he likes her so much.” Why do you feel uncomfortable asking your boyfriend about something unimportant like The Bachelor? From my understanding, it sounds like a lack of confidence in both yourself and your boyfriend.

If my assumption is correct, here are two things you can do to remedy your current insecurity about his preference in Bachelor contestants. 

First, look inward to determine if you resemble this bachelor contestant. Do you talk behind peoples’ backs? Do you always need to be the centre of attention? Are you confrontational and rude? If you answered no to these questions, then you are most likely not a narcissist. 

This sort of self-reflection, should also give you more self-confidence. Because if you are able to reflect on your actions and determine whether they are appropriate, you will not need someone to give you validation.

And second, just ask your boyfriend why he roots for this Bachelor contestant. Who knows, it’s possible that he just finds her entertaining in the context of the show. Or maybe he appreciates her wit and humour. I’m sure that whatever his reason, he does not purposefully seek out rude narcissists in his personal life. 

Also, remember that The Bachelor is an escape. A Bachelor relationship is a caricature of the real thing. Most people watch it to see ridiculous people do crazy things on screen. So this means that what your boyfriend finds entertaining is not necessarily a reflection of what he wants in his life. 

Finally, I encourage you to practice communication with your boyfriend. Voice your opinions and ask him about his opinions. This is how you strengthen your relationship.