Dear Di

Dear Di is the Fulcrum foremost expert in sexual relations
On the controller they have no problem finding the right button. Image: Christine Wang/Fulcrum.

Help! My partner prefers their controller’s joystick…

Dear Di 

My partner and I live together, we share a small apartment in the city and for the most part of the last year have been stuck at home due to COVID-19. Since the start of the pandemic, my partner has rekindled his relationship with his Xbox, so much so that they have become addicted to playing video games and barely pay me any attention. What should I do?

An Actual Living Object

Dear AALO, 

It can be hard to become second fiddle to your partner’s Xbox and it is totally understandable. 

You mentioned it already, but they may have developed a video game addiction since they are made to be addictive. This can quickly lead players to always be yearning for more. According to the American Psychological Association, this excessive video-gaming may be caused by anxiety and stress your partner is feeling in their school and work life — the video games may be serving as an escape. If you believe this is the case, it may be a good idea to discuss with your partner what is making them anxious and stressed, and to recommend help if needed. 

Although video game addiction is a very real problem, this might not necessarily be the case for your partner.  Many people use video games as a way to communicate with friends, online gaming is a great way to interact especially in these challenging socially distanced times. Although it might sound childish, if you believe your partner is not suffering from video game addiction, it might be a good idea to try and set limits on their gaming time. Be clear, and make them understand that it is important for you to be able to spend quality time with them as it impacts your well being as well. 

Another solution might be to join your partner and start playing video games together. This might be a good way to inject new life into your relationship by working as a team on Call of Duty’s Warzone or playing on the same “EASHL” team in EA’s NHL 21. You never know, you may personally develop a new pass time!

Just remember that the worst thing you could do is ban your partner from playing video games. This will only make them want to play more or they will straight up ignore you. It is important to remember that everyone deals with the pandemic in their own way — your partner plays video games. 

Love

-Di