Dear Di,
I should clarify before I get into it: I’m 21. I’m in a relationship with a partner who’s a lot older than me. I mean, a lot older than me, about 20 years. I get a lot of looks on the street. I’m okay with it, but it makes my partner kind of uncomfortable. Just wondering, what your thoughts are on relationships with big age gaps?
— Not a Sugar Baby
Dear NASB,
Say it with me everyone: your romantic and sexual life is up to you.
You are a grown adult, nothing you’re doing is illegal, so my thoughts are, go get yours. Look, if you were 18 or younger, my answer would be very different. And while it is important to think about things like power dynamics — for example, if this person were your boss or something, that could get sticky — an age gap in and of itself is nothing problematic. Actually, it’s kind of cool.
So you’re 21. If you don’t like funnelling beer, skipping class, or stress smoking, other 21 year olds are probably not your thing. Dating someone older can be refreshing, and sometimes it’s the best way to find people whose lifestyle choices are similar to yours.
Also, it can be exciting between the sheets. Somebody with a little more experience might be exactly what you need to shake things up. And hey, we all love a good silver fox.
This might be a cliche, but older people just tend to have a better idea of what they want. If you’re tired of being strung along, maybe it’s time to go up a generation. If you’re 21 and want to settle down, good luck finding your soulmate at Warehouse or somewhere in Gat. You might be better off trying your luck at Monday night beer league, or bingo night.
And best for last — they typically have a lot more money to spend. You might not be a sugar baby, but it doesn’t mean you don’t like date nights at the Keg, am I right?
It’s true though, there are a specific set of challenges that come with dating an older partner, especially as a university student. If you’re 40 and dating someone who is 60, you might get a few raised eyebrows, but you’re probably not going to hear classmates cough *daddy/mommy issues.*
It’s true though that you’re going to be at very different places in your life. So I do offer one piece of advice to all my age-gapping friends: make sure you want all the strings. Sometimes boomers just want sex too — but often, they’re looking for a little more commitment. They don’t have as much time to waste as you, so if they’re looking for marriage and you’re not, go back to airdropping your number to guys in class or something.
Love,
Di
