Dear Di

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I (21M) hate that my boyfriend (22M) posts about our relationship on Reddit

Dear Di,

Why in the world do people think it’s acceptable to post about their relationship to strangers?

I understand it’s an anonymous platform, but I am so sick of my boyfriend using responses he gets on Reddit as supporting evidence in arguments. I don’t care that ‘rubberyrancher142’ doesn’t think my boyfriend is the asshole — I live with him and I can tell you: sometimes, he is the asshole.

I’ve told him it bothers me and that it’s not helpful to cite anyone with an internet connection and a Reddit account in our arguments, but he continues to post about us from his account. What can I say or do to show him that this is not a good strategy?



Dear (21M),

While it may be hard to remember a time before it, the internet is still being integrated into our lives. Past generations have not had to consider the role of internet strangers in their relationships. Platforms like Reddit have transferred the appeal of outsourcing critical thought from one unqualified person onto hundreds of them.

Your boyfriend may believe he is simply consulting a wider pool of voices before delving into an argument with you. Try to communicate what it is about this process that makes you uncomfortable and suggest alternatives. Maybe he could speak with trusted friends who might know you and your relationship, or if the information is too sensitive to share without an internet alter-ego, he could try writing it out the way he would for a Reddit post and only have you read it, instead.

On your end, you may need to approach his concerns with more compassion. He might just feel he needs that second opinion to fully understand what’s gone wrong, and it’s much easier to ask faceless strangers than it is to talk to someone in his day-to-day life.

Try to keep your arguments on track with a shared desire to reach a mutual understanding of the events. In the end, your relationship should matter most to the two of you, and ‘rubberyrancher142’ probably forgets about your boyfriend’s post as quickly as they scroll to the next.

If your boyfriend can’t let go of the habit and takes these responses as gospel, I suggest you start making accounts to respond to his posts. “Yes you’re the asshole and you should apologize by: *insert chore/sexual favours* here.”