Dear Di,
I’ve recently had sex for the first time. She was very pretty, in shape, and she smelled good. We were going at it for about 30 minutes when she orgasmed for the fourth time. Shortly after that, we were interrupted and had to vacate the premises. I never actually finished, so I’m wondering where that puts my virginity status.
—Dazed and Confused
Dear DC,
I must admit you’re not the only one who’s confused here. I’m rather stunned—if not the teensiest bit skeptical—you managed to last for 30 minutes your first time at the rodeo. And your cowgirl orgasmed four times? If what you’re telling me is the truth, well, I applaud you; however, I can’t help but think something in the milk ain’t clean.
Regardless of whether you’re telling a tall or a true tale, I can understand your confusion about the status of your virginity. The great “did I or didn’t I” debate has occurred since the first time two teenagers ever fumbled around without their clothes on.
I think it’s safe to say most people define the loss of virginity at the moment of penetration, but this is not always the case. For some groups of people—the lesbian, gay, and transgendered communities in particular—penetration is not necessarily a part of sex. If a gay man and his partner choose not to have anal sex, but consummate their relationship through other sexual acts, does this make them virgins? I would think not.
Hell, I have a friend who wasn’t allowed to use tampons because her mother thought they were for “married women only.” Although I know for certain no one has ever lost their virginity to Tampax, I can’t define virginity for you—that’s something only you can do for yourself. I will say the majority of people don’t take orgasms into account when they decide whether they have lost their virginity. If your penis was inside a vagina, you can probably consider your V-card stolen.
Love,
Di
Dear Di,
I have some red bumps on my vagina and I can’t stop freaking out—I’m practically hyperventilating. The bumps are painful, especially when I’m wearing tight jeans. I’m absolutely terrified to go to my doctor, especially because she’s friends with my mom and I don’t want my old-fashioned parents to find out I’ve had sex. I don’t know what to do.
—Bumps Be Gone
Dear BBG,
First things first: Take a few deep breaths.
Feeling any better? Probably not, but I don’t see the point in making yourself pass out. You potentially have some big fish to fry here, and you’re going to need to have your wits about you to deal with the situation.
I say “potentially” because there is a chance the red bumps on your vagina are completely harmless. Have you ruled out the possibility of pimples? No one’s going to deny pussy pimples are gross, but they certainly aren’t worth getting upset over.
The bumps could also be ingrown hairs, which can be painful and annoying, but not life-threatening. Do you routinely landscape your bush? Waxing or shaving could be the culprits here.
Unfortunately, it is sometimes my unlucky duty to be the bearer of bad news. As you’ve obviously already considered, the nodules on your nether regions could very well be the result of a sexually transmitted infection (STI). Given that I am in no way qualified to offer diagnosis, I can’t tell you specifically which STI you might be carrying, but I do know there are a few possibilities here. Some are easily curable with a round or two of antibiotics, while others are not.
I’m afraid you won’t know what the problem is until you see a doctor. It is absolutely imperative you make an appointment and follow through. If you let this situation fester, it will only become much more difficult to deal with.
If you think it might help, have a trusted friend or relative accompany you to the appointment. Never underestimate the power of moral support.
You mention feeling hesitant to see your doctor because of her relationship with your mother. Doctors are obligated to keep your information confidential—there are very few exceptions to this rule, and the discovery of bumps on an adult woman’s vagina certainly isn’t one of them. Unless your doctor isn’t interested in keeping her license to practice medicine, you can probably rest assured she won’t be sharing your private information with anyone. If you’re really concerned, why not make an appointment with a doctor on campus?
Keep breathing, call a friend, and go see a professional. One last thing—always use condoms.
Love,
Di
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