Dear Di,
My girlfriend recently told me she wants to start experimenting with girls. I know every guy is supposed to have the “lesbian fantasy,” but the thought of my woman with anyone else—male or female—makes me feel sick to my stomach. I don’t see the difference between “experimenting with a girl” and “cheating.” Am I in the wrong here?
—Call it Like I See it
Dear CLIS,
I don’t think you’re in the wrong here at all. What constitutes cheating in a relationship is different for everyone and it’s up to the couple in question to determine their own definition of the word.
I can’t fault you for equating your girl’s desire to “experiment” with being unfaithful—I’ve always been a little skeptical of my male friends who say they’d hand their girlfriend a get-out-of-jail-free card if she were to engage in a little vagina-on-vagina action. Sure, the lesbian fantasy can be hot, but it’s not unreasonable to expect your partner remain committed to experimenting with your genitals and not those of anybody else.
I suggest you share your concerns with your girl. Why is she interested in getting up close and personal with pussy? Is she more than just a little curious? You need to be honest about your feelings and let your lady be truthful, too.
Maybe your girl isn’t really serious about wanting to sample the sushi bar; however, you deserve to know if she is.
While I firmly believe everyone has the right to explore their sexuality, I don’t think it’s fair to ask a significant other to sit by idly while the exploration goes down. If your girl wants to venture out into previously unchartered terrain, that’s her prerogative—but you’re going to have to decide if you want to stick around while she checks out other chicks.
Love,
Di
Dear Di,
I’m in love with my best friend’s boyfriend. He’s gorgeous, hilarious, intelligent, and interesting and I don’t think she deserves him at all. My friend bitches about her man sometimes and she’s doubted their relationship before. I’m not really sure how to proceed, but I do know I want this guy.
—Sorry Bestie, but I Want Your Boy
Dear SBIWYB,
How do you proceed? You don’t. You, my friend, need to stop, drop, and roll because you’re playing with fire. I predict this will end badly for everyone involved, but no one will get burned as badly as you will if you continue pursuing your BFF’s boy.
If this girl is your best friend like you say, why don’t you think she deserves someone “gorgeous, hilarious, intelligent, and interesting”? Maybe your pal has the personality of a “plastic” from Mean Girls, but if that were the case, why are you her friend in the first place? Even if she is an unpleasant person, what gives you the right to decide if her relationship is valid or not? These are questions you really need to ask yourself.
You mention your friend has complained about her relationship and has doubted it in the past. I think it’s safe to say everyone who has ever been a part of a couple before has had their second thoughts. The fact that your friend feels hesitant every so often does not mean she’s in a bad or unhealthy relationship that needs your crashing.
To be perfectly honest, I think you have a lot of soul-searching to do. Instead of focusing on stealing your chum’s guy, why not spend some time re-evaluating your friendships and your goals? Take up a hobby, throw yourself into your schoolwork—do something, anything to distract yourself from meddling where you don’t belong.
Love,
Di
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