Dear Di,
My girlfriend is a virgin and has a really tight vagina. We have to stop every time we try to have sex because she says her vagina is too small and it hurts. This makes me feel awful because I love my girl and don’t want to hurt her, but we’re both getting really horny here! Is there anything we can do to stretch out her pussy? We’re so frustrated, we’re ready to each grab a labia lip and pull!
—Need to Get It In
Dear NGII,
I love a gentle genital tug as much as the next person, but pulling on a lady’s lower lips is certainly not the way to make penetration more pleasurable!
I’m sure you have the best of intentions, but I fear you’re perhaps a bit misguided. Unless the circumference of your penis is larger than the head of a newborn baby, you don’t need to “stretch out her pussy.” Instead, you should focus on helping your girlfriend relax. Unless you’re a virgin yourself, I’m sure you can remember how nerve-racking it is to hand in your V-card. Your lady has likely heard hundreds of hymen horror stories, and the combination of anticipated pain and first-time jitters is enough to make anybody clench up in fear.
Before you try getting horizontal again, you should suggest to your girl that she spend some quality time alone with her fingers or a sex toy. While I don’t doubt that your lady cares for you very much, I do believe she will feel more relaxed exploring her pussy in private. Once she’s accustomed to the feeling of a finger or a toy in her love canal, she will likely be more at ease with the idea of your cock docking there.
When you are both ready to try knocking the boots again, I suggest you start the sack session with a little clit concentration. As far as penetration is concerned, the wetter the better, so pay some serious attention to your lady’s nether regions. Bring your girlfriend to the point of no return and she’ll be too busy bucking with pleasure to give a thought to her fears. Enter her as slowly or as quickly as she likes and don’t be afraid to add a little synthetic lubricant to her natural juices, if needed.
If lots of loving and loads of lube fail to help matters, your woman should consider scheduling an appointment with a gynecologist. There is a slight chance that she may be suffering from a vaginal disorder, such as vaginismus (a condition that affects a woman’s ability to engage in vaginal penetration), and may require medical attention.
Love,
Di
Dear Di,
Is it weird for women to enjoy watching pornos? I feel like it’s only socially acceptable for guys to jerk it to X-rated films because my friends are always complaining about their boyfriends watching porn. I masturbate to erotic movies all the time and I feel like a freak.
—Porn Lover and Not Proud
Dear PLNP,
If you’re a freak, then so am I, because I can’t get enough porn! Bondage, queer, orgies, MILFs, and mature—I’ve seen it all and I’ve enjoyed most of what I’ve seen.
Sadly, I do have to agree that society typically depicts pornography as a man’s pleasure and a woman’s vexation. Women are expected to feel repulsed and angry when they discover their male partners viewing erotica. Unfortunately, women who do enjoy porn are often shamed into hiding their porn preferences for fear of appearing sexually deviant.
Admittedly, many ladies are turned off by erotic movies because of a perceived prevalence of violent behaviour toward women in porn; however, there are countless female-friendly films and X-rated websites out there!
You should not feel embarrassed or alone for masturbating to pornography. I assure you that at this very moment, many, many women are rubbing their love buttons while watching engorged penises and wet pussies flash across their laptop screens.
Perhaps your friends who are “disgusted” by porn have never taken the time to look for a genre they enjoy. Or, even more likely, your girls are just like you: They’re watching porn too, but won’t own up to it for fear of being ostracized.
I lament to hear that, even in 2011, people are still adhering to the belief that sexuality is defined by gender. Listen, dear readers: As long as you aren’t hurting yourself or someone else, feel free to flick your bean or stroke your sausage to whatever you damn well please.
Love,
Di
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