Dear Di,
I’d say I’m a pretty adventurous guy. I try a lot of things (some that I probably shouldn’t). I’m kind of in a conundrum about something that I feel I should experience at least once in my lifetime… another guy. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not asking for a dating service to meet other guys. I’m just looking for a casual night out. Problem is, I don’t know where to look. I’ve heard all about Craigslist and all those one-night-stand hookup sites, but I’m really not interested in meeting up with a random guy. Would it be weird to ask my other guy friends if they’ve ever had these impulses? Help!
—Curious about George
Dear Curious,
There are very few things in this world that I would say someone probably shouldn’t try, and sex with a different gender than your usual isn’t one of them.
It always saddens me to hear that people feel uncomfortable speaking to their friends about their sex issues, so if you’re asking me: no it’s not weird at all to ask your guy friends if they feel the same things. Some will say no, some will say yes, and some may chastise you for being different from them. I say fuck who you want.
Asking your friends can be a great way to strengthen your bond with them, but at the same time, it may frighten those who aren’t as liberal as you are. If you’re going to talk about your inner fantasies, you have to be prepared to accept positive and negative responses to your feelings. You can’t expect everyone to feel the same way as you.
Though Craigslist or Grindr (a dating and hookup site for men) may not be your cup of tea, there are other dating sites that should be able to help you find someone who’s willing to do some experimenting once you’re comfortable enough to do so. Plenty of Fish and OkCupid are free dating sites where you can list exactly what you’re looking for in a potential partner.
If you need tips and tricks on how to work on your hookup and dating skills, check out How to Hook Up, a workshop hosted by Venus Envy (320 Lisgar St.) on Oct. 20. You can also drop in to the U of O’s Pride Centre, located in the Jock Turcot University Centre in room 215C, if you feel like you need someone to talk to or want a list of mixers and other events where you can meet people. The Pride Centre is also a great place to talk about the feelings you’ve been having.
Do what you feel is right and follow your desires, dear Curious. In the end, you may meet some pretty cool people who accept you for who you are and who might even want to fulfill those desires with you.
Love,
Di
Dear Di,
My girlfriend and I are planning to celebrate winter early this year. We want to see whose “starfish” can eat more ice cubes. We are going to fill a container with ice cubes and want to insert them one by one into each other’s assholes. The loser will have to do something sexy later on. My question is regarding safety. Any tips on how to play safe?
—So Hot it’s Cold
Dear SHIC,
Frozen fucking, what a feat. Your inventiveness and curiosity is healthy, but putting ice cubes in your cracks may be more dangerous than you think.
Firstly, depending on the size, ice cubes could be very painful to insert. Even though they are just frozen water, water isn’t an appropriate lubricant for anal play. Also, if you’re using square cubes, they could melt to have sharp edges, and since your sphincter’s skin is incredibly thin, the cube could easily tear it.
A second issue is the cold temperature of the ice melting in a single spot. Frostbite might not happen if you only feed your fishies one or two ice cubes, but to do more and more in a row could cause internal damage.
To use ice cubes in the bedroom, I would recommend getting an ice cube tray that has circular edges. You will avoid the risk of sharp edges if the ice cubes are round when they melt. It may also be beneficial to rub them all over each other’s bodies before insertion, so they’re a bit more manageable in size.
Another idea would be to pop an anal plug or toy in the freezer for about an hour. As long as the toy isn’t battery operated, it will do fine in the freezer for a little while and you and your partner will be able to have a similar sensation to the ice cubes without running any serious risks. Cooling lubes will also give a similar sensation to ice cubes.
Though experimentation can be exciting, be sure to play safe and do research before trying anything potentially dangerous, and always remember to use the proper STI and pregnancy protection as well.
Love,
Di
