Dear Di,
My partner and I have been seeing each other for a while and when we’re alone, everything is spectacular. The sex is great, we have so much in common, and the conversations never stop. There’s just one problem I don’t know how to address. He’s much older than I am—15 years—and I don’t know how to go about introducing him to my friends. I’m nervous they’ll think he’s too old for me and won’t accept us as a couple. I’m also worried that he’ll think they’re immature and feel uncomfortable hanging out with them. Maybe I’m just being paranoid but what if he is too old for me? How can I tell?
—What if Age isn’t Just a Number?
Dear WIAIJAN,
The age-old question, “Am I too young for him?” The answer to this one has the potential to be cut and dry or to be quite complex.
The answer is only simple if legal boundaries are being crossed. In Canada, the age of consent is 16, unless there is only a gap of five years between partners. So if your partner is 30 and you’re 15, yes, he is too old for you and he could get in some serious legal trouble.
If the legal line isn’t being crossed, the answer becomes a bit more intricate. You have to judge whether you are both at the same maturity level and whether the power dynamic between the two of you is equal.
Normally you can tell if you’re at the same level of maturity by your commonalities. Since you said you have plenty in common and have great conversations, it’s safe to assume you are around the same level of maturity.
The power dynamic refers to where the power lies in a relationship. When two people are at or around the same age, there is generally a balanced power dynamic—although sometimes there can be an unequal dynamic, leading to an abusive and harmful relationship.
When one partner is much older than the other, there is more room for an unbalanced power dynamic since the older partner has had more opportunities to make money and gain life experience.
In a relationship that has an equal balance of power, neither partner will feel threatened, inferior, or weak. Both will feel comfortable with each other alone and in public.
Your fear of introducing him to your friends isn’t unhealthy. It’s definitely normal to be nervous about introducing a new partner to your group of friends, but most people, regardless of the age gap in the relationship, will feel these nerves. If these feelings actually prevent you from ever introducing your partner to your friends and family, you have to re-evaluate your relationship.
The bottom line is if you feel comfortable with him and he treats you with respect, your friends should be happy that you’re happy. And if your partner has that same respect towards you, he will meet your friends and try his best to get along with them.
Love,
Di
Dear Di,
My girlfriend doesn’t want to have sex when she’s on her period. I honestly don’t care (alright, maybe not on the first day when the levee breaks), but she thinks it’s gross. We don’t get to see each other that often, so I don’t want to pass up a heated moment just because the volcano’s flowin’. How can I convince her that it’s OK to take out her tampon for a bit to make room for me?
—The Red-Winged Rogue
Dear TRWR,
One of my favourite things to do in the bedroom is to fuck when the red sea is flowin’. Why? It all boils down to one word: lubrication.
While your lady is on her period, the blood acts as a type of lube so generally she won’t experience any of that pesky dryness that accompanies sex for long periods of time (pun intended).
There are also a few other reasons you can use to convince your lady to try fucking when she’s flowing. If she gets cramps when she’s on her period, having sex will likely lessen the severity during intercourse and for a short time after, especially if she orgasms—pain-relieving endorphins are released during climax.
Orgasms also tend to shorten the duration of menstruation. When your girlfriend is on her period, her involuntary muscle spasms are what stimulate menstrual blood flow over a few days. Orgasms create intensified muscle spasms, usually leading to quicker release of blood, therefore shortening the period by a day or two.
It’s also important that you ask your partner why she finds introducing Aunt Flow to your member so unappealing. Perhaps it’s because she believes it will make a bloody mess of her sheets. Generally the mess is contained to an area or two and if you lay a towel down underneath you, different variations of the missionary position will work to keep the blood on the towel.
Maybe she is nervous or doesn’t like the odour “down there” when she’s on her period. If this is the case, suggest lighting a couple of scented candles and doing it with a sheet wrapped around you to hold in the smell.
It’s also possible that she’s tried it before and already knows that she really doesn’t like having sex while she’s menstruating. In this case you do need to respect her decision and plan your sexy visits for when her vagina isn’t as viscous.
Love,
Di
