Dear Di,
I found some bumps on my penis and it turned out that I have genital warts. I’m coming to terms with this STI and I’m starting to realize it’s not the end of the world, but I’m having a problem debating on whether I should tell my partners, friends, and family about it. Do you have any tips? Is it totally immoral for me to leave it out of conversations with sex partners?
—Figuring Things Out
Dear FTO,
It’s great that you understand that having genital warts isn’t the end of the world. The human papillomavirus (HPV) is such a common sexually transmitted infection (STI), and freaking out about it will do you no good.
By law, HPV is not an STI that requires you to tell your partners about having it before engaging in intercourse. Genital warts are generally caused by two different types of HPV and don’t pose any danger to the person who has them. Sometimes they can be painful, but more frequently they’re just bumps.
Even so, genital warts are contagious and to keep them from spreading I would recommend telling any of your future partners about them. It’s a really tricky situation. There are no health threats but the stigma around having them makes it hard to feel good about yourself, and it’s even more difficult to tell partners who may not understand. But you should still speak up to prevent the spread.
Talking about an STI with partners is always a toughie. Just say what you’ve got, let them know it’s contagious but not serious, and provide them with the necessary information. Once you’ve said your piece, give them some time to think it over. If they are worth your time, they’ll get over it. If not, on to the next one.
In terms of telling your friends and family, don’t sweat it. You don’t have to if you don’t want to. Never feel like it’s a huge secret you’re keeping from them because it isn’t. It’s your life and your body and you have every right to keep it to yourself.
Keep your chin up, dear FTO. Talking about your STI with potential sex partners gets easier with practice.
Love,
Di
Dear Di,
I think I used to take oral sex for granted because the last few guys I’ve gone home with haven’t gone down on me. Not the first time I went home with them, the second time, or ever after. I realize I can just ask—and I do—but I feel like I shouldn’t have to. For what it’s worth, I try to make sure that everything is clean and this has happened both fully shaved and not. I hear male friends talk about enjoying eating pussy and how girls shouldn’t worry about how it tastes or anything like that, but I’m getting worried. How can I make sure I’m going home with guys who are going to want to go down on me?
—Please Eat Me Out
Dear PEMO,
It would be nice for your partners to just offer or surprise you with an early morning licking, but unfortunately, unless you tell them that’s what you want it’s going to be very difficult for you to get a tongue in your twat.
As much as many guys do enjoy going down on their partners, just because your friends say it, doesn’t mean they all do. Saying they love to do something that makes a girl swoon may sound impressive to their lady friends, when in reality, they may not actually enjoy it.
On the other hand, your partner may not be going downtown because he’s afraid of his munching abilities or thinks you don’t enjoy it (there are vaginas out there that don’t like the licking). The only way to combat a man’s worries is to talk to him and tell him that you want his mouth on your mound.
There is no telltale sign that you’re bringing home a guy who loves eating pussy so it’s necessary that you tell him what you want. With one-night stands it can be tricky to be open and honest since you may not know the person as well as you would know someone you’ve been dating for awhile.
You can either bring up your desires before you start getting frisky to get the ball rolling, or while things are getting hot and heavy. He will hopefully see that you get turned on by the prospect of getting eaten out and go for it no problem.
If your partner isn’t happy making your pussy happy I’d say drop him, and quick. In a really great sexual relationship, both people’s sexual needs are met, no matter how many sexy times you’ve had. If you’ve expressed that you like getting eaten out and he just won’t make the effort, he’s not worth the wait.
Love,
Di
