Dear Di,
I know this guy who is hot, funny, ambitious, and we have the same interests. Lately the sparks have been flying between us, and I was pretty sure we were going to hook up, but then I was hit with the “girl code.” My friend basically forbade me from ever getting with my crush because she has feelings for him (even though she knows nothing will happen between them as he’s told her this before). What should I do, Di? Forgo my chances with this guy in favour of honouring my friend’s selfish wishes? Or am I the selfish one?
—Girl Code Crusher
Dear GCC,
Do you really envision a future with this guy or are you simply hoping for a roll in the hay? If you’re craving his cock but not his companionship, I suggest you search for another sexy stud. Meaningless romps in the sack aren’t worth damaging a friendship, especially because fuck buddies are a dime a dozen. You’ll snag someone else in a snap.
On the other hand, if you’re interested in this dude for reasons deeper than his dick—and your friend knows this—I am inclined to think she’s being slightly unfair. Unless your pal’s crush spans years and has inspired her to fill countless diaries with heartfelt poetry and unsent love letters, I’d say this guy is fair game.
In the interest of maintaining your friendship, I encourage you to sit down with your bud and hash it out. Let her know her feelings are important to you, but don’t be afraid to ask for the same treatment in return. If your friend cares about you, she’ll want to see you happy—you should mean more to her than a guy who isn’t into her anyway.
The moral of the story is this: Deeming exes to be off limits falls within the confines of reasonable friendship expectations; however, it’s not OK for someone to stamp “do not touch” on the forehead of every person they’ve ever fancied.
Love,
Di
Dear Di,
My roommate loves masturbating, which is totally fine, because who doesn’t? The problem is I keep finding her vibrator in the kitchen, the living room, and the bathroom. It’s grossing me out and I don’t know what to do.
—Move it to the Bedroom
Dear MB,
Looks like you’ve got a serial pseudo-exhibitionist on your hands! Your roommate probably gets off on the thrill of fondling herself in your shared living spaces, but leaving the evidence behind is extremely inconsiderate and downright disgusting.
Don’t forget you pay half the rent, giving you every right to voice your opinion. Speak in a casual tone of voice so as not to put her on the defensive, but make it clear you’re not cool with her toys popping up all over the common areas. Tell her how uncomfortable it makes you feel to discover her battery-operated boyfriend wedged between the couch cushions or perched on the bathroom sink. Let her know you support her self-love sessions, but simply can’t stand her unhygienic habit any longer.
I know it’s never easy to confront someone, especially regarding such a personal subject, but your roommate deserves a fresh dose of reality. Leaving her toys strewn across your space is rude and unnecessary—and you shouldn’t have to put up with it any longer.
Love,
Di
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