Dear Ty

 

Dear Di,
I have a problem: I’m sleeping with two guys right now, which is great, except for the fact that they both have tiny penises! Nothing turns me off more than when a guy’s pants fall to the floor and I find a little baby carrot staring me in the face rather than a giant cucumber.  How can I tell if a guy has a big cock before I get him into the bedroom?    

—Need Bigger Meat

Dear NBM,
Short of pretending to faint and “accidently” grabbing his penis to break your fall—which I strongly advise against—there’s little you can do to accurately determine the size of a man’s meat prior to unzipping his pants. Contrary to popular belief, there is no correlation between the size of a hottie’s hands, feet, and dick, so don’t bother sneakily stealing a peek at his shoes or winter gloves.

I think what you need to do is adjust your attitude—sometimes good things come in small packages. Admittedly, pulling off a partner’s pants for the penis premiere and finding a “little baby carrot” can be somewhat disheartening, but give the guy a chance. He may be a master with his tongue or divine with his digits. You’ll never know if you don’t try.

I suggest you take a bit more responsibility for your own sexual pleasure—your orgasm should not be dependent on whether or not a man is packing massive meat. The next time you’re with a less-than-well-endowed lad, hop on top, lean forward, and grind your clitoris into his pelvic bone. Doing it doggy-style will also work wonders—keep your ass in the air and your face and chest on the mattress for optimal results.

The moral of the story is this: A super-sized sausage does not necessarily equal good sex. A partner’s ability to make you see stars in the sack is dependent on much more than the girth of their genitals. Stay positive, let your sex buddy surprise you, and above all, be an active participant in your own orgasm.

Love,
Di

Dear Di,
I recently joined a kickboxing club and I’m starting to like the instructor there. I went ahead and asked for his number and we are texting, which is big to me since I haven’t dated a lot. The problem is that I’ve been told my personality is childlike and I’m afraid this guy will only see me as a little sister or friend.  I’m also worried he might be too involved in his sport to be interested in dating.

—Dating and Kickboxing Rookie

Dear DKR,

Kudos! Asking for someone’s phone number is a big—and oftentimes terrifying—step, so pat yourself on the back. You’ve made it through the first hoop!

Having the guts to put yourself out there like that is a very adult thing to do, so I must ask you to reflect: What do your friends mean by “childlike?” Are you energetic, idealistic, and youthful? Or is “childlike” a euphemism for “immature?” If you’re of the former variety, then there’s a great chance this kickboxing cutie will be attracted to your upbeat energy. If you have an inkling that your friends are perhaps trying to nudge you in a more grown-up direction, you may want to do some soul-searching before further pursuing this guy.

Assuming your pals are simply complimenting your young-at-heart personality, your only problem is ensuring this dude sees you as girlfriend material and not the little sister he never had. The fact that the two of you are doing the texting tango is a good sign, but if you want to stay out of the friend zone, you’ll have to step it up—pronto. Make it obvious that you’re ogling his goods, not just his killer kickboxing skills. Chat him up after class and ask him about his life beyond the gym. Is he a student? Native to Ottawa? These are questions that won’t creep him out, but will make it clear you care about more than his instructor credentials. Let the conversation flow naturally and see where it goes.
To respond to your last concern, I highly doubt your crush is too consumed by kickboxing to have little interest in dating. On the off chance that he can’t seem to stop talking about his sport, then perhaps your fears are founded. If this is the case, cut your losses and move on. With your newfound dating confidence and athletic skill, you’ll be sure to snag a sweetie in a snap.