Dear Di,
My girlfriend knew from a mutual friend that I used to have femdom sessions before we met. Now she has nothing on her mind but to join me in one. In fact, she is so serious about trying it that she’s checked a few websites and contacted some mistresses. Now she wants me to define a day to go. I love her so much and we’ve never had a big argument before, but I’m unsure about how comfortable I am with this. She wants to share me with the mistress in a dual mistress and slave session. My penis is incredibly excited but my brain is telling me that this could negatively affect the relationship somehow. Could this kind of craziness actually strengthen a relationship? Do you see a bright side here?
—Red Arse
Dear RA,
I’m always glad to oblige the questions of a couple willing to experiment and of anyone who has attempted or regularly indulges in their sexual fantasies. It sounds from the get-go like you two are both willing to try new things to please your partner, which leaves little room for negative frisky experiences.
For starters, femdom is a slang term for female domination, and refers to any bondage and discipline, sadism and masochism (BDSM) relationship or role-play in which the dominant participant is female. The submissive partner can be any gender, but femdom is specifically related to a female dominant. Often times the dominant woman will be referred to as a domme, femmedomme, or dominatrix, but it varies depending on personal preference. In a master and slave scene or relationship, generally the dominant female will be called the mistress.
If your partner is expressing a desire to join you in a fantasy, she is telling you that she trusts you enough to guide her through this new sexual experience, which I would see as a sign of a healthy relationship. I also think her eagerness to find a mistress proves her own interest in femdom, and that she isn’t putting your needs before her own, but rather expressing a desire to try something new with a person she is comfortable with.
By all means, if your pants cannon is standing at attention for a femdom session with your lady friend, try it out. It does sound like you’re a bit hesitant about it, though. My best advice is to express every single concern you both have towards incorporating another lady in the bedroom. The only way threesomes and/or new sexual situations can be successful and actually strengthen your relationship is if you are incredibly open about everything you are both feeling.
Sometimes it helps to start slow and build up to the point at which you are both ready and willing to introduce a third person into the mix. Discuss your boundaries with each other before you begin your BDSM attempts. Bondage tape, sex toys, whips, ropes, and any other BDSM gear are a good start to make sure your girlfriend is comfortable as your mistress and that you are comfortable with her as the dominant. If you try a few new things and are both enjoying them, begin talking about your thoughts and apprehensions towards incorporating a second mistress. If you both think it’s a good idea, then have at it!
My dear Red Arse, there is always a bright side when it comes to two people mingling in their nudey pants—or in this case, in chains and leather. The bright side is the ability to fulfill a fantasy whilst pleasuring yourself and your partner. Sex doesn’t get much better than what you’ve described above, and as long as you play safely and within the boundaries you’ve set for each other before stuff gets hot and heavy, your penis and brain will be in perfect harmony and bliss when you and your mistresses get down and dirty.
Love,
Di
Dear Di,
My girlfriend and I like to have sex in public places and have already knocked off a few campus buildings. However, we are looking for a couple more secret spots on campus to copulate. Do you have any suggestions?
—Take that Body Down and Around Town
Dear TBDAT,
The age-old question: where on the U of O campus is the best quickie quarter? When many students begin as freshmen, it’s a dream to knock places off their list to turn it on around campus. Over the years I have compiled my own list of the best places to fuck at the U of O.
For the students who want to be discrete while they skeet, one of the most hidden locations is the roof of the legal aid building close to the corner of King Edward Avenue and Laurier Avenue. It is pretty difficult to access—fire escapes must be climbed—but if you can figure out how to get up there, it is incredibly secluded and offers a lovely view for all of you nighttime sexers.
The Tabaret lawn is another nighttime favourite that can be quite romantic. Make sure to choose a corner closer to the side of the lawn opposite Tabaret Hall. It’s not called Cumberland Street for nothing. The most important tip I have about lawn lays: use a towel! Ants in your pants could become more than an expression in this case if you neglect the necessary preparations.
If you and your partner want to make beautiful music together, why not try a practice room in Perez? They are quiet and empty and you have the whole room to yourselves. The only drawback is that you require a special pass to access one—a pass only for music students. There’s never been a better time to bag a band member!
Who can forget good-old Morisset Library? There are plenty of options all over the library that many students have cum to appreciate. Let’s start from the bottom up. The basement has many corners and quiet spots that are quite isolated during off–times. My personal favourite is the area on the third floor that is sectioned off near a corner stairwell. It’s the best spot for quick stroke-and-soaks and rub-and-tugs, and is especially barren during the summer months. The fifth-floor couches are another cult classic you could try in the very early morning before the rambunctious non-studiers arrive.
The most important part about being adventurous in where you choose to mess around is making sure to be considerate of the people around you. I know it might not be a thought that crosses your mind when you finally get to fuck that hottie in your history class—literally—but you and your partner are the only two who want to enjoy the passion between your genitals.
Keep it light, put some thought into it, and always remember to use protection.
Love,
Di
