Dear Di,
I’ve been in a relationship with my man for a while now. Our relationship is fine except for one major detail—he’s still really close with his ex.
Every single time they hang out together it’s usually one-on-one, which makes me terribly anxious and insecure. I’ve talked to him about how the situation makes me uncomfortable, but he insists that their relationship is just platonic. Despite this, I’ve noticed that every time she texts him, the tone is always super suggestive.
I don’t know what to do. Help!
-Cutting Ties
Dear CT,
Having exes in the mix can be tough for your relationship and can create a lot of unnecessary stress.
If you’ve already spoken to your partner about how this makes you feel and he completely disregards your feelings, then you should definitely recognize this as a problem—especially if you’re finding questionable texts.
The way I see it, there are only two options. Either you accept their friendship, or you reconsider your own relationship. Forcing a partner to end a friendship against their will is usually not a good way to go. It may cause feelings of resentment and anger towards you, particularly if the relationship between your boyfriend and his ex is totally innocent.
These situations usually boil down to conflicting views of what’s okay in a relationship. Some people may be more liberal and not see it as being a big deal, while others may live by a strict “no-ex” policy.
As long as he hasn’t breached your trust and you’re willing to work out boundaries (i.e. no more one-on-one hang-outs) then you can definitely make it work. But if you simply can’t accept the idea of those two being together (even in a platonic sense), then it may be a good idea to rethink your place in the relationship.
Love,
Di
Dear Di,
Lately, every time I have sex it hurts. Not only does this discourage me from getting down and dirty, but it makes my boyfriend hesitant as well. Is some pain during sex normal? What can I do to make it stop?
-Painful Play
Dear PP,
Sex should never hurt. But people may experience pain for a number of reasons, and figuring it out can be a complicated process.
Pay attention to when the pain starts. Is it while you’re getting aroused, during penetration, or after? Are there things that don’t cause you pain? Is there a difference between inserting your fingers into your vagina, or using a vibrator? Try exploring your body on your own to figure out where the specific “trouble spots” are. You can also experiment with different positions and lubes to see if anything changes.
It’s also really important to communicate with your partner. Let him know what feels comfortable for you and what hurts. It can be difficult to put into words, but it’s super important to at least try. You can also discuss alternative sexual activities you can engage in if penetration (whether that’s a penis or vibrator) causes pain.
It is always best to consult with your doctor if the pain or discomfort you experience during any form of sex persists.
Not only can a medical professional recommend some methods of dulling or completely alleviating the pain, but he/she will also help you pinpoint the cause of the discomfort in the first place.
Love,
Di
Five easy ways to drive your man wild
- Let him enter you, but only with the tip. After that, be sure to rotate your pelvis to give him a really wild ride.
- When you’re on top press your vagina just above his penis and slide up and down along the shaft.
- Touch yourself in front of your partner right before you switch positions.
- Describe exactly what you’re going to do to your partner before you do it.
- Tie your partner up and leave the room for five minutes until they beg you to come back.
