Dear Di,
My boyfriend and I are in a long-distance relationship. Often I’ll go out here in Ottawa without him, so for the outside observer I would appear single. My boyfriend and I have discussed any reservations we have about going out and dancing with other people (we are generally OK with it, so long as we don’t spend the night with one person). I have had people buy me drinks, but I feel damned if I do accept (on principle since I am in a relationship) and damned if I don’t (since the gesture isn’t necessarily poorly intentioned). Is it a bad thing that I’ve liked the idea of talking to other guys, knowing that I won’t take it any further than that night?
—Flirty and a Little Dirty
Dear FLD,
First off, you need to get down to the bottom of why you’re feeling guilty. From what you told me, you haven’t betrayed your boyfriend’s trust in any way. It’s also great that you two have already discussed what you’re comfortable with the other doing.
One option you have is to simply discuss in further detail what you’re feeling with your boyfriend. Tell him that you feel conflicted about accepting drinks that people buy for you. Honesty has a way of unloading any negative feelings between a couple.
You should also know that it’s OK to like a little attention from prospective suitors, even if you know you’re not planning to take it further. Often times what happens is that people get a little complacent when they pair up, and settle into a not-so-sexy routine. Maybe you’re reacting to the attention from other men in bars because it’s reminding you that you’re young, and hot, with red blood gushing through your veins—something you might not be getting very often from your boyfriend because of the distance.
There isn’t a problem with this, again, as long as you don’t feel like you’re betraying your boyfriend’s trust in any way. Also I don’t know what kind of bars you frequent, but drinks are usually insanely overpriced, so don’t feel too bad about gaming the system!
On another note, you should also evaluate your relationship with your boyfriend to see if the long distance is hurting the quality of your relationship. Does long distance mean you two have become a little boring and routine? If so, I’ve written before about the best way to heat things up between long-distance lovers.
Does your boyfriend make you feel sexy and desired? Asking these types of questions can help you narrow down why you’ve been liking attention from other guys.
Love,
Di
Horny Homework: Burn, baby, burn
While working out more might have been one of your New Year’s resolutions, getting your workout at home can be a lot more fun than trekking to the nearest gym. Instead, find a friend and get into missionary. However, instead of immediate penetration, have them rub their penis, fingers, or tongue around your vulva or anus—dealer’s choice. This will keep them going a long time, guaranteeing you two work up a sweat. Finally, have your partner penetrate you and watch in ecstasy as they cross the finish line.
Dishing with Di: Masters in the lab and the bedroom
Dr. William Masters and Dr. Virginia Johnson are among the pioneering researchers in sexology. Their claim to fame was developing the four-prong model of human sexual response in the late 1950s, a time when movies were still heavily censored to remove all sexual content. They conducted their research by observing couples having sex and measuring different sets of physiological response. While their work has been criticized since then, particularly regarding their involvement in conversion therapy for gay men, Masters and Johnson remain extremely influential.
