Dear Di,
My girlfriend is graduating this year and might go to graduate school in a different city. She doesn’t seem to think this will be a problem for us, but I’m having second thoughts about being in a long-distance relationship. Any advice?
—Long-Distance Lover
Dear LDL,
Being in a long-distance relationship in university can be tough, but fear not! Where there’s a will, there’s a way.
If you and your girlfriend are in a committed relationship and are willing to put in a little effort, your relationship can easily stretch across different cities.
As in any romantic partnership, communication is key. Distance only means you’ll have to communicate more effectively, which could actually benefit your relationship in the long run. By improving your communication with your girlfriend, you’ll probably learn things about her that might have otherwise gone unnoticed.
Also, being apart for a while will allow you to better focus on your studies or your job. Maybe there are other interests you can indulge in that you simply didn’t have time to explore before.
If the distance starts to get you down, don’t be scared to get creative. You can always organize a romantic Skype dinner, movie date, or play online video games together.
Don’t be scared to get into phone sex as well. While the distance between lovers can leave you feeling physically disconnected, feel free to let some of that sexual tension out through text or FaceTime. It’ll be a game-changer.
And when you two finally reunite for those “Netflix and chill” nights, you’ll be grateful you put in all that hard work.
Love,
Di
Dear Di,
I recently got out of a long-term relationship and have been re-discovering a much more casual sex life. I’ve started hooking up with people I meet at parties and in bars, but my friends seem to be really against it. Is there something wrong with this lifestyle?
—Casual Encounters
Dear CE,
One thing’s for sure—you definitely aren’t alone in your erotic endeavours.
A relaxed attitude towards sex is pretty standard on university campuses, so don’t be ashamed of trying to quench that thirst.
Your friends probably mean well, and are concerned that you might not be making the right choices. They could think you’re doing this in response to your breakup, or that you aren’t entirely sober when you find a partner at a house party or at a bar. For some people sex is a very intimate act, and could never be considered casual. But that’s certainly not true for everyone.
Women are also traditionally subject to more scrutiny, and even shame, when they engage in sexual acts with multiple partners—an unfortunate social factor which could also be contributing to the reaction you’re getting.
I suggest you explain to your friends that everyone expresses their sexuality in different ways, and that it is just as normal to revel in monogamy as it is to enjoy getting laid on the regular.
You might also want to reassure them by letting them know that you’re using contraceptives, and that you’re regularly getting tested for STIs.
At the end of the day, it all has to do with how YOU feel. If you’re content with your experiences and you’re having fun, protected sex, then carry on and keep doing your own thing!
Love,
Di
