Dear Di,
I have a problem with my cock. You see, whenever my girlfriend touches it—and I mean literally as soon as she touches it—I shoot all over. It’s really embarrassing. She is such an amazing girl but I can tell she gets fed up with how easily I ejaculate. I really don’t want to lose her. Is there something wrong with me? Is she maybe too sexy? I say this because when I jerk off I can last forever. Can you share some advice on how I could hold in my juice a bit longer?
—Longing To Last
Dear LTL,
Premature ejaculation—it’s a problem. As hilarious as the song “Jizz in my Pants” is, it’s the opposite of funny when you’ve already come but your partner’s nips have barely even peaked.
There are plenty of possible culprits behind the condition. Anxiety, stress, fear of performance, and guilt can all be contributors. Since you’re able to last a long time when you’re charming the snake solo, you likely don’t have a hypersensitivity problem. I believe your issue is in your brain, not your banana. While it’s super flattering to your lady friend that you think she might be too sexy, by hyping her up so much and by pressuring yourself to perform, you’re setting yourself up for a messy ending. Chill out. If you expect that every time she touches you you’ll come, then you will. If you take a couple of deep breaths and focus your attention elsewhere when she first starts rubbing the monkey, you’ll be able to last a little longer.
Traditional counsel on the matter includes upping the amount of foreplay, changing positions frequently, and the ever-popular start-stop method where you practice controlling your orgasms: when you masturbate, stop right before you erupt, then continue. This will allow you to determine where your point of no return is, and ensure you can take a break from the action if you’re going to blast off a little early. Spend your time going down on your girl, getting her as worked up as possible before you let her do anything to you, or try to focus on positions that decrease your levels of muscle tension, which can contribute to a faster finish.
While following the above advice helps men hold out when they’re having sex, from the sounds of it, you’re not quite at that point yet. If contact with only your girl’s hands is enough to clear out the plumbing, you may be in need of more intervention. There are plenty of desensitizing lubricant brands out there: invest in a bottle.
People believe that frequent masturbation leads to better results in the sack. The theory is that you’ll run out of juice or won’t be as excitable if you just came. Unfortunately, anyone spouting this information is sadly misinformed. When you’re beating the meat alone, your goal tends to be to finish as fast as possible. Frequent masturbation sessions can train you to cum quickly, having the opposite of its intended effect.
Good luck, LTL, and may your hard-ons last longer.
Love,
Di
Dear Di,
What do you know about the NuvaRing? I’m curious to try it, but a little weirded out by the whole concept. What do you think?
—Protection Princess
Dear PP,
Yours is a rare type of question, and one I am thrilled to answer; however, I am a sex columnist, not an M.D. You’ll obviously need to talk to your doctor about starting or changing your birth control, and you should follow his/her advice above all else.
The NuvaRing is a small, flexible ring that you stick into your hoo-ha once a month. You leave it in for three weeks, and it will continuously release a low dose of estrogen and progestin, the same hormones found in many brands of the birth control pill.
When the ring is in your va-jay-jay, the hormones are absorbed and distributed into the bloodstream. After three weeks, you take the ring out for one week, ride the crimson wave, and then you insert a new ring.
That’s the basics, but you want the down and dirty details, don’t you? I’ve used the NuvaRing for a while now, and let me tell you, it is a spectacular invention. Instead of remembering to take a pill at the same time every day, you simply need to remember to put the ring in once a month.
If you’re hesitant about putting the ring inside you, fear not! It’s not that different from using a tampon, and once it’s in, you can forget about it for three weeks. Worried about your significant other feeling the ring during sex or manual stimulation? Most men say they can’t feel a thing, but if it really concerns you, you can take it out for up to three hours at a time without losing protection.
Keep in mind that the NuvaRing protects only against pregnancy. A condom is still your best bet to prevent STIs and HIV.
Love,
Di
