Dear Di,
I recently got into the U of O’s medical school after graduating, but when I got the bill I realized paying rent wouldn’t be in the cards this year and I’ve moved back in with my parents. I can’t stop thinking about what this means for my sex life, how can I be trapped under my parents’ roof and still get some?
-Freaky but Sneaky
Dear FS,
First of all, congrats on your acceptance to med school! Smart and sexy is an irresistible combination.
You likely aren’t alone in your sexual setback—if there’s two things most students can relate to it’s being broke and horny. With that in mind, there are many tried and true ways for you to keep your freak on while living at home, all without traumatizing your mom.
While some might leave their car sex days back in high school, this erotic endeavour can be an exciting way to get creative with your sexual partners. Just make sure you’re prepared beforehand with condoms, lube, tissues, and your go-to toys. Even though this may seem obvious, I’m going to emphasize it for good measure—find an extremely private place. You might want to see your partner’s ass, but someone carrying their groceries to their parked car might feel differently.
No car? No problem. If you have a planned partner for the evening, try renting a room from Airbnb in advance. While a hotel might be out of your budget, you’ll find lots of low-priced rooms on this site that can provide some uninterrupted alone time with a special someone.
It’s also a good idea to get to know your parents’ schedules! If you notice they both leave and come back to the house at certain times each day, use that to your advantage. Who knows, you may even grow to enjoy the thrill of possibly being caught.
If these options don’t appeal to you, try sexting or calling your partner. If you’re going to get yourself off anyway, adding in a little dirty talk from your partner definitely can’t hurt. Have fun ;)
Love,
Di
Dear Di,
I recently started taking antidepressants, and I’ve noticed a huge drop in my sexual stamina. I’ve also just begun dating a man I’m extremely attracted to, but every time we get between the sheets I take forever to get it up, let alone get off. Should I end it before I embarrass myself, or is there a way I can salvage this relationship?
-Depressed and Sexually Stressed
Dear DSS,
Taking on a new relationship while trying to manage a mental illness is incredibly difficult, and I’m sorry to hear you’re in a bind.
First, think about whether you feel comfortable disclosing your struggles to your new partner. This can be scary but, despite the stigma, depression is extremely common. In fact, antidepressant use in Canada is the third-highest among the world’s developed countries. In Canada, one in five people will suffer from a mental illness. Odds are, your partner has struggled with the same thing you’re facing, or is close to someone who has.
You could also just tell them you’re on medication that reduces your libido, and that you may need more attention down there than usual. Is it a turn on for him to watch you masturbate? If you’re comfortable doing so, try starting off with that to get yourself warmed up and reduce your partner’s workload.
If you feel it’s too much for you to take on a relationship while working through your personal health problems, don’t stress. New relationships take a lot of energy and attention, and it’s critical to put your needs first when you’re in a stressful time.
Telling your partner you need solo time to work on your health is totally OK, and if they’re worth your time they will understand.
Love,
Di
