Dear Di,
I’m thinking about having sex for the first time. Some people say it’s really not a big deal, but others make it seem like the first time is a life-changing event. So, should I go through with it or should I wait? Maybe I’m just tired of people asking if I’m still a virgin.
—Virgin or Not
Dear VON,
When it comes to your first time, I need to make this explicitly clear: you are the only person that answers to you. Confidence comes from knowing yourself and being true to the choices you make.
You need to establish your boundaries and own those choices, even if they change later with new information. The same kind of vetting process goes for selecting a partner. In other words, anyone that doesn’t respect your boundaries doesn’t respect you.
If you do decide to go ahead, here are a couple first timer tips. First of all, try to wait before jumping into the world of sex toys. Just like any other piece of equipment, it can take a long time to figure out how to operate these devices properly on your own and with a partner, and you don’t want your first time to be full of any more awkward fumblings.
Always remember to use protection. Despite what you might have heard, sex using condoms and other forms of contraception feels great, and they come packaged with a slew of other great benefits.
Condoms can prevent the exchange of sexually transmitted diseases, and for women birth control pills can lessen your chances of getting pregnant. But this is just a small peek into the larger world of contraceptives, so do your research and find out what’s right for you!
It’s important to weigh the pros and cons when making this kind of decision. It does not matter at all how other people feel about your sex life, because it’s only your business.
Love,
Di
Dear Di,
I’m not the same religion as my partner. My religion has always been a big part of my life, and I’m worried about how this is going to affect our relationship in the future if we want to get married one day. Is there a way to make this work?
—Dual Religions
Dear DR,
Religion is a personal choice that is part of who some people are, and to others it’s simply not something they choose to take part in. Whether you fit in one category or the other, you and your partner need to be respectful of each other’s lifestyles to be compatible.
Sometimes religion is so ingrained in one’s upbringing that they believe they must date someone with completely identical views. The level of importance you place on your religious ideals will determine what you can or cannot live with in the long term.
Finding someone just like you will reinforce your own way of living. However, finding someone with a different perspective can enrich your life, although this setup does require more of an open mind. You need to have a conversation with your partner about your differences to determine if respect for each other’s choices is there. This will help you decide your next step.
If you both have mutual respect for your life choices, you can work it out together.
Love,
Di
