Dear Ty

Dear Di,

I am obsessed with my roommate. I can’t sleep, I don’t eat much, and I can’t study. I constantly refresh her Facebook  profile to see if she’s been talking to other guys. She doesn’t like me back at all and sees me as her “little brother.” I’m looking for a way to get her out of my mind completely. How can I get over her?

—Obsessed with my Roommate

Dear OR,

Nothing hurts quite like the pangs of unrequited love. We’ve all been there, and I commiserate with you; however, you seem to be in way over your head here. Before I dole out the tough love, I must ask: What makes you so sure that she isn’t interested in you? Yes, the “little brother” comment isn’t full of promise, but many misguided people mistakenly believe that the best way to reel someone in is to initially cast them out. Is there any chance that your lady love is saying that she feels brotherly love for you as a means of veiling her own feelings?  Unless you are absolutely certain she has no interest in you, I suggest you explore this possibility before throwing in the towel.

Assuming you have confirmed your permanent residency in the friend zone, it’s time for the aforementioned tough love. I have several suggestions for you, but to put it bluntly, I don’t think you’re going to like any of them.

First and foremost, I suggest that you seriously consider moving out. Drastic, I know, but your living situation is unhealthy and detrimental to your ultimate goal of moving on. How do you expect to ever get over your roommate if you see her freshly showered and wearing nothing but a towel every morning? While I don’t believe the old saying “out of sight, out of mind” applies to your situation, I am certain that relocating is the best thing you can do to help free yourself of your obsession.

You say that your grades are suffering and you’re having difficulty sleeping, eating, and concentrating. Depending on the severity of these symptoms, you may want to think about making an appointment with a counsellor (you can find information about the U of O’s on-campus counselling services on the university’s website). A trained professional will offer you a listening ear, valuable advice, and constant support to help you move on.

Lastly, you also might consider deactivating your Facebook account, at least for the time being. Facebook is obviously the fan to the flame of your fixation. You need to focus on real social interaction, not social networking. Surround yourself with your friends, take up a hobby, or join a sports team—immerse yourself in the things you enjoy and channel your energy toward your own happiness. I wish you good luck!

Love,

Di

Dear Di,

I really want to make a sex tape, but my girlfriend refuses. She called it a “recipe for disaster” and said that sex tapes are a last-ditch resort for desperate celebrities looking to restore their fame. I have the best sex of my life with my girlfriend and I want her to see how hot we are, but I can’t seem to convince her to get naked in front of a camera. Her outright refusal to experiment makes me worry that we’ll eventually hit a rut in our sex life.

—Lights, Camera, No Action

Dear LCNA,

Let me level with you: Sex tapes can be risky business. All too often they seem to wind up in the wrong hands and are then plastered all over the “Amateur” section of any free porn website. However, when made, viewed, and enjoyed by two consenting adults in the privacy of their own home, sex tapes can be an extremely titillating addition to foreplay.

Although I always encourage my readers to safely explore their kinky sides and experiment sexually, I fear that your attempts at “convincing” your lady love may have upset and alienated her. Try asking her how she would feel if she were in possession of the only copy of the tape. Perhaps the two of you could watch it once and destroy it together afterwards.

If your girlfriend is still uncomfortable with making a sex tape, it’s time to cut your losses and explore other erotic avenues together. Why not have sex standing up in front of a full-length mirror? It’s all the fun of a sex tape, but none of the risk. Ask your woman to describe her naughtiest fantasies and share your own with her, and then do your damnedest to make those dreams reality.

At the end of the day, fantastic sex is the result of mutual agreement and enthusiasm, not one partner persistently pestering the other to “give in.” If you want to continue having the “best sex of your life,” you’ll put in the effort to find something wild and steamy that will get you both off.

Love,

Di

Questions for Di?

Email deardi@thefulcrum.ca

or find her on Twitter (@Dear_di)