Di Daniels’ message to the newcomers
WELCOME, FROSHERS, TO the University of Ottawa. Your university experience here will be the best of times, the worst of times, and—it is my sincerest hope—it will also be the sexiest of times.
Most students come to school prepared to fill their heads with equations, quotations, and solutions. I’m here to urge you to save some space for the most pleasurable part of life: Sex. My name is Di Daniels, and I am a certified sex goddess, guru, and dynamo.
As the Fulcrum’s one and only sex columnist, I have the answers to your most burning questions about love, lust, and doing the nasty. Each week I respond to students’ queries in my column, “Dear Di…”, and I hope after reading it once you’ll keep cumming back for more.
As first-year students, you are about to embark on a journey through unchartered waters. You are now living independently and in extremely close quarters with a slew of other people whose hormones are raging just as much as yours. You’re likely feeling tempted to strip off all of your clothes and rub your naked body against any consenting person you pass, and that’s perfectly fine.
I do, however, suggest that you get to know your own body just as intimately as you know your sexual partners’. Masturbation is your friend, but be discreet! Your roommate may not want to see your orgasm face, but if you’re lucky, he or she might just be down for a little mutual self-love. And why not? Now is the time to experiment. No matter your fantasy, you will certainly be able to find someone around campus who will want to make it reality.
Take advantage of the fact that mom and dad will no longer be snooping around your room and purchase a sex toy (or 12). I recommend perusing the shelves of Venus Envy (320 Lisgar St.), the store where I bought my first vibrator many years ago.
Yes, first years, I hope you will experiment in the sack, but I also ask you to be honest with yourself about your likes, dislikes, and sexuality. Know your comfort zone and step out of it only when you are sure that you really want to. If the orgy on the 13th floor doesn’t seem like your cup of tea, then politely excuse yourself and move on. Living in residence with hundreds of other virile students means there will always be something (and someone) dirty to do, so don’t cave if you aren’t comfortable.
And friends, above all, make sure you are safe—never, ever rely on a partner to provide protectiont. Your sexual health is your responsibility and yours alone. I encourage you to ask me questions via email (email@example.com), Twitter (@Dear_Di), or Facebook (Di Daniels). Don’t be shy!
I wish you the best of luck and the best of fucks. Here’s to a year of throbbing members and pulsating pussies!