I bet on lime Gatorade, how about you?
Super Bowl LVII is this weekend, and after the season we’ve had, I’m sure the NFL scriptwriters have something wild in store for us in Arizona.
I want it on record: I was correct in my prediction last year, and I was genuinely annoyed by anyone that disagreed with my pick because it was so clear to me the Rams were going to win.
This year, things aren’t so obvious to me.
Is my judgement clouded by the period of recovery I’m in after the incredibly painful Vikings season? Absolutely.
Am I a normal person who is grateful that the Vikings had a super exciting (stressful), thriller (heartbreaker) of a 13-4 (fraudulent) season with an (embarrassing) playoff appearance? No.
I am bitter, and at some point in the regular season, I decided that the Eagles are an incredibly unlikeable, villainous team, and every Nick Sirianni media interview should be watched on mute.
That said, I think the majority of NFL fans would actually consider the Chiefs the villains of the league these days, especially after stealing back-to-back Super Bowl appearances away from Burrow and the Bengals — redemption will have to wait another year.
Even though I am incredibly annoyed by the Eagles making it here, they showed they were the absolute strongest team all year long. Then we have the Chiefs, who always seem to get it done. This year, the legitimate two best teams in the NFL are playing in the Super Bowl, and it truly could go either way.
Regardless, I can promise you that I’m not cheering for the fucking Eagles.
Okay. Let’s get serious.
A stroll to the Super Bowl
While both the Chiefs and Eagles were 14-3 in the regular season, it felt like Philadelphia had very little in the way of their Super Bowl dreams. Throughout the regular season, Jalen Hurts was outstanding. With an MVP contender leading the offence, an oddly unintimidating schedule, and a coach who “know[s] what the fuck [he’s] doing,” no one should be all that shocked to see the Eagles on the big stage.
The Eagles beat the hospital version of the 49ers to earn their place in the Super Bowl.
More accurately, they beat down the most skeleton version of San Francisco. I refuse to be impressed by a win when it’s over a team that literally ran out of quarterbacks. It was a painful sight, and I particularly feel bad for Brock Purdy. As 49ers players were dropping like flies, the Eagles were business as usual.
What could have been a close game was a 31-7 slaughter.
The 49ers were the only team I genuinely believed could have grounded Philadelphia, so it was disappointing to see the way the NFC championship game played out.
The week prior, the Eagles emerged from their bye week to embarrass the Giants, 38-7.
With Hurts as quarterback, the Eagles are 16-1 this year (including playoffs). It is true that he has produced less yardage in post season, putting up 121 passing yards against the 49ers and 154 against the Giants, but we can still expect Hurts to generate enough yards and enough points to win it all. Besides, you could consider the Eagles a bit of a running team as they have put up 416 rushing yards this postseason.
The team’s rush game is pretty reliant on Hurts himself, with the dual-threat quarterback leading his team with 15 rushing touchdowns. The Eagles will need to capitalize on the potential advantage their ground game gives them as the Chief’s defence only ranks 18th against the run.
The other important factor for the offence? A.J. Brown. After finishing fourth in receiving yards (1496) during the regular season, he has definitely been less noticeable in the Eagles playoff matches, but as the team’s leading receiver, a big game out of him would make it a lot easier for Hurts.
One of the most talked about storylines of the 2023 Super Bowl is the Kelce brothers. For the Eagles, All-Pro center, Jason Kelce, will be tasked with protecting Hurts from a pass rush that registered 55 sacks this year, not including 7 in the postseason so far.
On the other end of the ball, the Eagles defence has been praised. I do want to point out that their schedule may have something to do with how strong their defence looks, as they didn’t face off against all that many intimidating quarterbacks. Now, their opposing quarterback is Patrick Mahomes.
No surprise, this is the toughest matchup for the Eagles this year, and they’ll have to be as sharp as they were in their regular season peak if they want to take home the Lombardi.
The Super Bowl is not as easy as everything they’ve conquered this season (shocking).
Not their first rodeo
The Chiefs experienced a few more hiccups leading up to the Super Bowl than the Eagles. Including seeing their quarterback struggle to walk after his ankle was folded in the divisional round of the AFC playoffs.
Lucky for Chiefs fans, Patrick Mahomes is synonymous with wizard, alien, and Kermit the frog.
Since the initial injury (a high ankle sprain), we’ve seen Mahomes continue to cleat up, hit the turf, and lead his team to an AFC Championship.
Despite the fact that he’ll be playing the Super Bowl with an injured right ankle, there is no doubt that his awareness paired with his ability to release the ball from literally anywhere, could still break through the Philadelphia defence. He has a great feel for pressure, and bails himself out of tight situations with ease.
It’s impossible to talk about the Chiefs offence without bringing up Travis Kelce. Kelce was targeted 177 times this season and caught 110 of those for 1338 yards. The tight end is a staple of this offence, and the Eagles defence has surely spent a lot of time thinking about how to shut him down.
It’s important to note that Mahomes and Kelce were both part of Kansas City teams who won the Super Bowl in 2020, and appeared (and lost) in 2021. The Chiefs aren’t strangers to the Super Bowl, and even strung together a fourth-quarter comeback to secure the Lombardi trophy in Super Bowl LIV. It’s possible that Super Bowl experience could be a difference maker.
Another difference to think about is coaching. While Philadelphia has Nick Sirianni, an aggressive, confident coach in his second year, I’d say the edge goes to the Chiefs. Andy Reid has built an incredible resume with two Super Bowl championships (one as head coach, the other as assistant coach).
Philadelphia was one of the highest-scoring teams all season long, so a lot of pressure will be on the Chiefs to minimize the Eagles’ offensive possession. The Chiefs’ defence stepped up in the AFC Championship game, and if that’s the stride they’ve hit at this point, then it’s absolutely at the perfect time.
Unfortunately, things aren’t perfect for the Chiefs right now. Injuries have the potential to bring the team down, and the offensive line is going to have to put in extra effort to protect Mahomes during this one.
Who am I taking?
I think things are shaping up in favour of the Eagles. At this point, Kansas City has far more factors stacked against them, but I believe in Andy Reid to figure it out and craft a game plan that frustrates the Eagles. I also believe in Mahomes and Kelce’s connection; I can picture a series of Kelce touchdowns that will leave us wondering how the Eagles could have possibly left him so open in the end zone.
Again, I am bitter. I am a sore loser. I had to watch Daniel Jones play the game of his life to beat the Vikings in the wild card round just to get absolutely beat down by the Eagles a week later. I’m mad at the NFC.
I like to believe this game will live up to my expectations and be an absolute grind between evenly-matched teams — a game that comes down to the final minutes. And in those final minutes, the Kansas City Chiefs will earn their third Super Bowl title.
I hope everyone has a wonderful Super Bowl Sunday. May your beers be cold, your snacks be snacky, and all your obscure same-game parlays hit.
