FSS

Dear Di is the Fulcrum foremost expert in sexual relations

My partner and I are both incoming first years at the University of Ottawa, we’re both fans of kinky, public fornication. As someone more familiar with campus, could you tell me where the best spots to shag are on campus?

“Yep—every week, we polish the whole thing, from top to bottom,” nodded Alan Lee, head of the Social Science Task Force (SSTF). “Keeps it looking spiffy for when the O-Train gets here.”

After multiple incidences of students confusing the Faculty of Social Sciences (FSS) building with the restaurant Father and Sons (popularly known as F&S), the Coalition of Frustrated Students (CFS) has formed to advocate for a name change.

“Before all else, we took the interests and well-being of our students into consideration while discussing the renovation plans,” said Robert Builder, president of the Office of Risk Management at the U of O. “Could we have broken ground in May when most students weren’t on campus? Absolutely, but that wouldn’t have made any sense.”