The Tomato

Federicks drowning in a sea of controversies
Illustration: Dasser Kamran/Fulcrum
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Captain goes overboard after a rough week at sea

Justin Federicks — the captain of the S.S. Gee-Gee — has been reported to be lost at sea, supposedly drowning in a sea of controversies.

This news comes following reports of “smooth sailing” at the start of September, despite traversing through unsteady waters initially.

Following a sudden brutal thunderstorm, abandoning staff during unprecedented times and allegedly putting “academic freedom” at risk, the captain was reported to have lost control of his vessel and was accidentally knocked overboard.

With days of silence, ship crews were worried regarding the captain’s whereabouts. Chip Sahoy, the first mate, and the captain’s temporary replacement, was particularly concerned.

“We were ordered to continue what we were doing and disregard the bad weather,” said Sahoy. “But the water keeps rising and I’m not a good swimmer.”

S.S. Gee-Gee had been operating smoothly up until the storm. Navigator Di Daniels believes that it’s the original unstable design of the ship that has made it difficult to withstand harsh weather conditions.

“The ship was designed over 100 years ago for luxury transit and specific travels. As we’ve grown over time and built more ships with similar designs, we have noticed leaks and complaints. But that’s why we’ve invested in flex seal,” said Daniels.

Sahoy has tried listening to both crew concerns and examined ship issues personally, but is overwhelmed.

“I don’t know how the captain did it,” said Sahoy. “There are so many problems, especially below deck. It’s like the crew and ship have been neglected for years!”

Water rescue crews are currently searching for Federicks, providing regular updates to the Tomato.