The Tomato

Photo: CC, Evan-Amos
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International fast food chain renames major menu items to make them more realistic

McDonald’s has shocked the world by recalling millions of buns, patties and cheese slices from locations across Canada. The move has been described as a “precautionary legal strategy”, as McDonald’s looks to stave off any false advertising lawsuits from the Canadian public. This comes as Subway International settled a court case based on the revelation that that their signature foot-long subs were not actually a foot long.

Joan Lennon, second-year English student and Subway enthusiast decried the organization after hearing about the investigation.“I can’t believe they would do this to me, I was under the impression that these giant multinational food companies cared about their customers.”

“I was shocked to learn that I was getting a mere 11-inches of unhealthy fast food, when I was paying for a full 12-inches.”

Her sentiment is echoed by millions of other Subway consumers, who are now contemplating making their own sandwiches in an act of rebellion. Subway would not confirm nor deny whether it had considered calls for each sub to come with its own official standardized ruler. What is clear however, is that the relationship between fast food companies and hungry gullible customers has been jeopardized.

McDonald’s has recalled all of the ingredients for their signature Big Mac. It seems after years of complaints about tiny portions in comparison to their American neighbours, McDonald’s will now release the “not-so-Big Mac” and “you-should-order-two Macs”, in Canada to stave off any potential lawsuits.

“We don’t want Canadians getting any funny ideas from the events at Subway. We could just make larger portions, but we’d rather recall all of our burgers and change the oldest item on the menu, just to prove a point,” said vice-president of sales, Donald MacRonald.

In an unprecedented move, the global franchise has opted to undersell its burgers to the Canadian public, with hopes of the policy spreading to other items on the menu.

The Value Menu is rumoured to being renamed “The Tiny Menu”, quarter-pounders will be renamed “almost-a-quarter-pounders” and their fountain pop will now be more accurately named “Water + Sugar (some flavour included)”. Food experts see this as a major cultural shift in attitudes from companies towards their customers.

Instead of putting up the façade of a business which provides its valued customers with cost-conscious meal options for the whole family, companies are choosing to sell their food as is. Internationally renowned fast food critic Sue B. Way remarked, “I like the ‘take-it-or-leave-it approach’ by fast food companies today. I’m an adult, I don’t need to be lied to about what I eat.”

Clearly, this is not the last we have heard of this tumultuous situation. As the nation reels from the devastating global tragedy of “11-inch foot longs”, governing bodies, consumer protection panels, fast food companies, and foodies worldwide are tasked with the difficult question of where to go from here.