The Tomato

Mike Pence discussing strategy with Thanos. Photo: CC, Staff Sgt. Stephanie Morris Remiel, edits by Christine Wang.

Skeletor and Thanos in talks to work with American government

As an investigation into the Trump presidency’s collusion with Russia continues, new reports have emerged about a cancelled meeting between Vice-President Mike Pence and representatives of the North Korean government. After these headlines emerged, the White House has since come clean that their goal is to meet with every evil regime they can find.

When asked about plans for future meetings, Pence discussed Skeletor, and the fictional legion of Doom. “We’re very impressed with Skeletor’s commitment to evil,” said the vice-president. “I’ve only been committed since I took public office, and one day I hope I can match his lifelong dedication to the dark forces.”

Not all of these groups have been easy to locate, and after a substantial effort the Tomato was able to track down the leader of the Legion of Doom for an interview. “While we’re flattered that the American government wants to meet with us we do have our reputation to consider,” declared Lex Luthor, current leader of the Legion of Doom. Before further questions could be asked, our Tomato reporter was removed from the room by a mysterious force.

An official statement released last week by the Legion of Doom shared that the organization is not willing to work with the Trump administration at this time in the interest of protecting their reputation, but would reconsider if something could finally be worked out around gun registration, as they “don’t want to work with the real bad guys.”

It appears that one villain has no problem working with the American government, as intergalactic villain Thanos will be joining the administration as Head of Evil, or HOE. When asked why he was accepting a role that had already been turned down by others, the Mad Titan responded, “As a purple-skinned man it’ll be nice to work for a group that already employs someone bright orange. Furthermore, I believe I can learn quite a bit about how to run a ridiculous empire before it comes crashing down around me, the true skill of any super villain.”

However the Trump administration plans to meet its goal to work with as many evil regimes as possible, let’s just hope that they never get to Gotham City. Who knows how the Joker would react to seeing another clown in charge.