The Tomato

Iphone tomato
Image: Dasser Kamran/Fulcrum

You’ll never believe the new and improved cost

After being brave enough to remove the charger and earphones from the package the iPhone 12 comes in for environmental reasons, Apple has decided to take it a step further, announcing that the next iPhone, named the iPhone Air, will come without the phone.

We sat down for an interview with Apple’s chief executive officer Tom Chef who explained to us what he’s been cooking at Apple. Hint: it’s not apple sauce!

Chef explained to us that since most iPhone users already have a phone, Apple didn’t need to put in a phone anymore. Anyone who needs one can just use one of their old phones lying somewhere in their home. “It’s not like anything was gonna change,” he said. This will allow Apple to significantly reduce e-waste and will further help Apple in its goals to be a carbon-neutral company.  

Some people were furious to hear this, while others praised Apple for its consideration of the environment. Chef insisted that it was always in Apple’s pipeline to eventually do this and was not due to them running out of ideas or wanting to increase profit margins. 

“We started small by removing any innovation, and then slowly moved our way to the headphone jack, charger and earphones. Initially, we wanted to remove just the charging port, but we asked ourselves why stop there? We wanted to give our customers the best experience. Something truly revolutionary and never done before!”

He went on to explain some of the benefits of removing the phone from the iPhone, like how the device could be 100 per cent thinner, 100 per cent lighter and be completely shatter-resistant.

“By removing all distractions, we can finally achieve our minimalistic vision for the iPhone. This decision also allows us to achieve an all-day battery life and by removing the phone, customers can finally focus on the “i” which is you.”

Finally, we asked him the big question; how much would the new iPhone cost? Chef stated that despite all the improvements, they were still keeping the cost under $1,000 dollars at only $999.99. It takes “courage” to charge so little for so much, said Chef. Chef also promised us that the new iPhone will still come with the iconic Apple stickers, which he suggested putting on your forehead to be easily recognized as part of the Apple cult… I mean gang.