Dear Di,

My girlfriend always looks bored when I’m giving her oral sex. I don’t know if she just isn’t into foreplay or if I’m doing it wrong. Any tips?

—Tongue Twister

Dear TT,

Don’t worry, it takes time and practice to figure out your partner and what gets her going. Although everyone has different preferences regarding cunnilingus, here’s a few tips that seem to be universal when it comes to tongue action.

For one thing, it’s crucial that your girlfriend feels as comfortable as possible with someone going down on her. Unfortunately, a lot of women feel pressured by societal standards of how a vagina should smell or look. This kind of standard makes a lot of women uncomfortable with having someone stick their face down there. You’ll want to try easing this anxiety by reminding your girlfriend how sexy she is and how much you love pleasuring her. By doing so you’ll be guaranteed to not only enhance her experience, but aid her self-confidence in bed.

As far as technique goes, remember this: there’s more to a vulva (which is the appropriate name for the entire female genitalia) than a clitoris. Although it is a sweet spot, make sure you don’t fixate on it exclusively and forget about the rest. Vulvas are beautifully complex, and can be stimulated in all sorts of ways. Focusing on one specific part might make your eating-out game a little redundant, so go ahead and explore the area in its entirety.

Fingering and cunnilingus are also a match made in heaven, so don’t hesitate to throw in a little finger action down there. By providing vaginal and clitoral stimulation simultaneously you’re guaranteed to take your partner to sexual nirvana.

Overall, you just have to make sure that your partner knows that you like going down on her. Mix that in with some variety in your technique and gone will be the days where your partner looks bored during oral sex.  

Love,

Di


Dear Di,

I’ve started to feel like I need to spice up my oral sex game. My partners seem to enjoy my blowjobs, but I think there’s room for improvement. Any tips on how to up my technique?

—Fellatio Fanatic

Dear FF,

You’re not alone in worrying about your oral sex abilities. This is a constant source of anxiety for a lot of people. However, here are a few tips on how to bring a little spice into your blowjob game.

A good way to enhance your blowjob skills is to create intimacy between you and your partner. Let him know that you enjoy playing with him by making eye contact, communicating with him, or even moaning. If he knows that you’re having fun, you’re guaranteed to turn him on.

You might also want to give different positions a try during a blowjob. If you always stay in the same position you run the risk of making foreplay feel repetitive and routine-like, which may dampen its desired effects. Get comfortable and creative, and feel free to explore different ways to place your body.

Now let’s talk about rhythm. You want to make sure that there’s some variance in speed when you go down on your partner. Go slow, go fast, but most importantly, make sure your flow isn’t constant or you risk not only making it redundant for your partner, you’ll probably get tired of it yourself. Ultimately, remember that everyone is different, and you’ll want to check in with your partner to see if your new technique is doing the trick.

All in all, it’s great that you care about giving your partner a satisfying sexual experience. However, make sure that said experience is just as fun and exciting for you. Keep trying new things and being adventurous during foreplay, but allow yourself to remain comfortable and stress-free.

Love,

Di