The tooth fairy
Dear Di,
I have to ask an embarrassing question regarding a first date that left me with a bad taste in my mouth.
He licked my teeth. Like, not just once. Once could have been an accident, I guess. Thinking it was a silly little misunderstanding, I laughed again. Alas, it was not. This guy seemed determined in his teeth-licking pursuit. How should I put it? It was not good. Weird, to say the least. Funny in hindsight, to say the most.
I’m reaching out today because the whole experience was distasteful, and yet, also confusing. Is it me? Am I the weird one? Is it prudish of me to prefer no teeth-play in a kiss? Perhaps this is some rendition of French kissing unbeknownst to me?
I’m too weirded out by this sordid affair to take part in another Tinder date. Worse, he mentioned going on a second date — I have no intention to go. What should I do?
– The Tooth Fairy
Dear Tooth Fairy,
First of all, downloading Tinder is a rite of passage for anyone single and in a new city, so no need to be embarrassed. We’ve all done it, myself included.
As for your toothache of a date, let’s start by tackling your growing fear of Tinder. One: I would encourage you to vet your Tinder dates at least a little bit. Unfortunately, there are far too many creeps out there for you to give any random guy a chance for the sake of a good story. So, do some sleuthing — that’s what the internet is for. A quick Google search and — voila — you could uncover a slew of problematic tweets and red flags. On the other hand, you could stumble across a local news outlet’s coverage of them receiving a humanitarian award. Who’s to say?
As for the awkward affair you described, I have bad news: it is one that you will likely embark on again, no matter where you meet the guy. First dates are tough, and finding a guy you even want to go on one with is even tougher. Because you need to kiss a few frogs before you find your prince, and because you need stories like these to make catching up with friends more interesting, I do encourage you to keep embarking on these spontaneous dates — as safely as you can.
Finally, we must address the elephant in the room: the teeth licking. No, you are not weird for not wanting tongue-to-tooth action. I’m sure that guy will either find a lucky girl one day who is all about it, and they’ll be happy together — or someone who will gently guide him away from tooth licking and into other kissing ventures. As for you, though, stick to your guns (and gums). They say: “don’t knock it until you try it.” Well, you tried it — you’re allowed to knock it. I would, too.
As for the second date, I wouldn’t bother. It seems like you two lacked a certain…spark. There’s value in that idiom about not beating a dead horse — put this affair out of its misery. Of course, ghosting can be hurtful, so I encourage you to communicate it as best you can.
I hope that you don’t let this affect your pursuit of love and other romantic affairs. The dating scene is a rigmarole of bad kisses — though this one, in particular, is a standout. It will happen again, but the good ones will, too. Don’t give up yet. Take the good with the bad, though I hope there’s more of the former than the latter, for your sake.
Sending you good luck, hugs, and kisses (sans teeth-licking).
Love,
Di
