I’VE LEFT THAT SUMMER BUT IT NEVER LEFT ME, WHAT DO I DO?
Dear Di,
HELP! So, um, over the summer my entire life seemed to go wrong. My friend group went up in flames after renting troubles, I got phished by an email scam, and now I don’t even think I like computer science anymore? I have nightmares of pythons chasing me, and of getting a C++ on my project! Is this normal? Is university life supposed to feel like I was thrown off a cliff and expected to fly, or go SPLAT!!? Any advice on making lemons out of compost?
Sincerely, OneWorriedWart
I hear ya, Wart. I’ve always been afraid of what I call the Summer Scaries. I remember my first summer after being in university – my roommate’s girlfriend basically moved in, and then they broke up, and he got together with my other roommate!
Have you ever walked into the kitchen and looked at the knife block to make sure no one has grabbed one for ulterior motives? Unfortunately, I think those summer trials are a really big part of getting through university.
Being on your own for the first time in your life, even if your parents support you, exposes you to the day-to-day issues that come up in adulthood. When it’s your name on the lease, you have to get used to being stern quick.
Living with other people means everyone being accountable for paying rent – no last second IOU’s when everyone is already struggling to pay for groceries. But also, making sure that you have to nip problems early on; we should have said no to my roommate’s girlfriend moving in long before they ever broke up. As terrible as it seems, I think living through a bad summer can also be transformative!
When your life blows up, it means the groundwork can be laid out all over again. Sure, that batch of first-year friends is gone, but what experiences did you have with them that you want to keep and learn from? While I certainly never want to see Bobby (who still has my KitchenAid Stand Mixer, by the way!) again (Bobby, if I ever see you again, we’re going to have a problem), I know now that having someone in my life who is a little spontaneous balances out my sometimes reclusive behaviour (Bobby, I’m not playing).
On a good note, what a bullet you dodged in retrospect! Living with friends is far different from enjoying Trivia Night in the common room with them. A lot of times, this arrangement can result in stand-offs of “whose dish is in the sink unwashed” and “why are your clothes still in the washing machine?” When you live with people who are all looking for roommates first, friends second, you have the chance to take a break from your social life and just relax.
With an experience like this behind you, it’ll be easier to pick roommates that you feel safer and happier with. Also, a great bad roommate story is always gonna be good friend-making material – it’s great to bring out when you’re supposed to be locked in during a study group as a way to relieve some tension. We’ve all been there!
Don’t be ashamed about getting phished either!
Do you know how many people get phished and are too embarrassed to say? I had to call the Canada Revenue Agency one time about getting my SIN stolen, and the attendant said she had been phished before too! If it’s happening to industry professionals, it’s going to happen to a student.
I recommend going down the laundry list of things to call and check on the Government of Canada’s page, and then having the good humor to look back and laugh that you fell for an email from the U0ttawa Rizzidence Services. When you are changing your passwords and emails, I recommend just keeping a written log of everything! It is a throwback to the stone age but you’ll thank me when you need to dig up the case number from your call with the Canadian Anti-Fraud Centre a month down the line.
Hold the brakes on your program too – sometimes you can just get overwhelmed and not be able to enjoy the things you like about it. It’s totally normal to feel like you’ve fallen out of love with your program.
Students change their program all the time! Heck, I went from being in accounting to Health Sciences halfway through my degree! Of course, any switch is gonna necessarily rely on what courses carry over and referencing each faculty’s own requirements. If push comes to shove, it’s totally fine to switch out your program if you feel like you’ve made a misstep. Just talk to some professors in your current program before you decide to dip! You’ll see during your time in university that people are always coming back throughout their lives for a change – I once saw a retiree taking courses in Film Studies!
After all, student life is a bunch of things. Sticking with one program is not the end-all, be-all of your time here. You’ll be alternating from bored with readings, busy trying to fit in a lecture and a party and a grocery run in one evening, happily filling out a club sign-up form, and sometimes just being on your own broodingly.
The thing is, we’re all just students figuring it out. You don’t have to try to make lemons out of compost; you’ve already got a garden that can use it instead. Be a little sad, then be thankful to have learned a lot from everything.
If nothing else works – blame Doug Ford, and you’ll probably be at least 45 per cent accurate about whose fault it is.
Sincerely and with lots of optimism,
Di Daniels.
