Dear Di

Image: Kai Holub/Fulcrum.
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Is their name un-moanable or are you just not trying hard enough?

Dear Di,

My most recent hook-up should have been perfect. We were on the same page about what we liked and seemed to want the same things during sex. I’ll spare you the dirtiest details — all you need to know for now is that we both liked our partner to be vocal and expressive during sex. The only problem was his insistence on me using his name, a name he doesn’t realize he shares with my father. I know some folks enjoy the Daddy role-play but this personal touch is a bridge too far for me. Should I explain this to him or just let this become a hook-up horror story?


Dear Mona,

If using their name in sex is going to take you out of the moment, that is a valid reason for not wanting to use it. In the instance that their name holds more meaning to you than they realize, it can be worth discussing if you find enough enjoyment from your time with them.

If you care to continue this hook-up, it is worth bringing up. It sounds as if you two have already gotten comfortable discussing your desires, which is fantastic. Open communication with a sexual partner about what brings you each pleasure sets you up for the satisfaction you’re seeking.

The way I see it is a discussion about this could go two ways. If your hook-up partner needs to hear their name, you can find someone with almost any other name. If he is flexible on what he can be called in bed, you sound more than willing to partake.

Ultimately, you will be continuing your open discussion of sex and he’ll be learning something new about you: your dad’s name.