WHY HAVE ONE WHEN YOU CAN HAVE TWO?
Dear DJ,
I am single and promiscuous, and having sex with one person just isn’t enough as I have a king-sized bed; how do I get a third person in my bed?
Sincerely,
Horny with Free-time
Dear HF,
You’ve come to the right place, my friend — I’m a multi-tasker and I’m not just talking about having a record on each hand, if y’know what I’m saying.
All you gotta do is hop on Tinder, Bumble, or even Hinge (WARNING: Hinge may lead to a love triangle, so please proceed with caution). Now start swiping right vigorously. Swipe until the app doesn’t let you anymore or until your finger develops callouses – whatever comes first.
Now when you’re done, you may have at least two matches. If that isn’t the case… I don’t know what to tell you, buddy. I think maybe you should focus on getting just one person in your bed first before going for the double-barrel – but that’s just a thought.
Now; you’re going to want to find two people that know each other – you don’t want best friends though, just people who are acquaintances with each other. Figure this out by just straight up asking them if they know the other person. This may take multiple attempts and don’t just ask straight away – that’s creepy.
Now let’s say you’ve managed to find two people who are in a class together and know each other by name. It’s time to pop the question. Add them both to a group chat called “a proposition” where it’s just the three of you and text “hi”.
Sincerely,
DJ Daniels
