Dear Di,
My boyfriend and I used to love having sex. We’d do it in the morning, at lunchtime, in the evening, and late at night. It was constant and we both thoroughly enjoyed it. About two months ago I acquired a second job, just around the time school started up again and am now exhausted every time I lug my ass through the front door. My boyfriend still wants to have sex a lot, but I am simply too tired. Do you have any suggestions of what to do to get me riled up? How can I explain to my boyfriend that I really want to sleep at night and that it’s not just him?
—Too Tired to Fuck
Dear TTTF,
Wow, it sounds like you’re a really busy person. Often our lives can get pretty crazy, especially since most students spend their time studying and making sure they’re bringing in enough dough to afford school.
I have some unfortunate news for you, dear TTTF. Life never really gets any easier or less stressful. As we get older, more and more things need paying for and more stuff needs to get done throughout the course of the week. The trick to making a relationship work with your busy schedule is setting aside some intimate time at least two or three times per week.
When I say intimate time, I’m not just talking sex or touching, but also one-on-one time to really relax and enjoy each other’s company. This can even be only one hour at a time. Generally, it’ll remind you why you love this person so much, and will ignite a little fire that might entice you to cut into your sleep time for a little bit of buggering.
The best way to ensure your boyfriend understands what you’re going through is to sit down for a long talk about your time management and how you don’t always have the energy to swap the sleep for sex. He may not be able to accept it, in which case you probably shouldn’t be together.
If he does want to put in the effort, ask him what he needs to make your relationship work. How many times a week does he want to have sex and when are the best times for you two to see each other? Discussing everything in advance is crucial to making the most of your free time during the week. And always remember that he has a schedule too, which is equally important to keep in mind when you make plans with him.
You’re going to have to give and take to make this one work, but when you do, you’ll sleep sounder and fuck more freely with a relaxed and understanding vibe between you and your partner.
Love,
Di
Dear Di,
Lately, every time my partner and I use toys, I, for lack of a better word, queef. It happens a lot and for a good 30 seconds consistently when she pulls the toys out. Why does it happen? And more importantly, how can I stop it from happening? She says it’s normal and I pretend to laugh it off, but I’m really worried that it kills the moment.
—Queen of the Queefs
Dear Queen,
I think a common misconception among men and women is that a queef is a vaginal fart. This however is far from true. Though the scientific term for queefing is “vaginal flatulence,” a queef occurs because air is being pushed into the vagina, while farts are produced as a by-product of bacterial fermentation in the stomach and intestine.
Basically, farts are an offset of your poop and that’s why they tend to smell. Queefs happen because of intercourse, exercise, or any other occasion when air can get trapped in the vagina—think oral sex, when your partner is giving your pussy a form of mouth-to-mouth.
Though queefs sound similar to farts, they don’t smell because there is no stinky gas being released, just air. People tend to feel embarrassed when they queef during or after intercourse because they associate queefing with smelly farts.
This mentality needs to be erased because you can’t stop a queef from happening and you can’t hold it in like you can with a fart. You really just have to laugh and continue your banging or cuddling if a little queef comes strolling out.
I have always found that lubricated penetration results in a higher number of queefs than usual. A little bit of lube is an excellent addition to toy time or penile penetration, but skip heaping it on if you want to lower the chance of queefing. That being said, lube is a magical tool. If I were you, I would continue to use it plentifully and forget about the queefs.
I’m sure your partner really does understand that queefing is natural, but to be sure, you should be open about your discomfort and discuss it. You’ll most likely be pleasantly surprised by her response. If she’s really into you—and likes putting toys into you—I doubt a little twat tooting would turn her off.
Love,
Di
