Dear Di,
My girlfriend and I have been having a rough couple of months, and it has started to take a toll on our sexual chemistry. I thought that if we started to try some new and interesting things in the bedroom, it wouldn’t only bring some excitement back to our lives, but also make us stronger emotionally. I suggested trying things like a threesome or a shark attack but she refused. How do I bring sexual excitement back to our relationship without taking her out of her comfort zone?
—Balls to the Wall
Dear BTTW,
I’m not sure many people would be comfortable attempting a shark attack. I don’t know many ladies who want to bend over and touch the floor to be forcefully penetrated from behind. The same thing goes for threesomes. Though there are folks who enjoy them and participate in them frequently, plenty of people steer clear of fucking more than one person at a time. The bottom line is your suggestions have freaky levels that are far too high to be successful first attempts at spicing up your sex life.
Sitting down and having a discussion about what you both feel is lacking sexually is a good start to figuring out what the two of you are comfortable trying and not trying.
One of the best tools you can use to discover new ways to fuck is porn. Watch Saving Ryan’s Privates on your movie night together or pick up a Hustler and point out ideas you both would be comfortable trying. The best way to learn is to watch, and to do of course.
Similar to watching pornography together, going to a sex shop is a healthy way to encourage open dialogue about your sex life and what you both want and need. You’ll undoubtedly be inspired by the plethora of toys, outfits, and products and will be able to pick up some handy extras as well.
If you haven’t yet, spend some time naked with each other. Explore each other’s bodies sexually. Become intimately familiar with each other in the buff. Comfort is key in every successful sexual relationship.
Love,
Di
Dear Di,
I have a lot of trouble reaching climax during intercourse. I’ve been asking some friends and they say I should try rubbing my clit during sex to cum. This makes sense but I don’t like the idea of having to touch myself while I’m fucking; it seems like extra work I just don’t want to do. Are there any alternatives during sex to stimulate my clit like positions or toys?
—Can’t Cum Without My Clit
Dear CCWMC,
Your friends are right. Caressing your clit while you’re having sex will probably stimulate you enough to get you off.
Though you shouldn’t feel embarrassed or nervous to touch yourself while you and your partner are doing the no pants dance, I do understand how satisfying it can be to cum without having to put in the elbow — or in this case finger — grease. There are definitely ways you can stimulate your sensitive spot during intercourse without using your hand.
By taking the reins and riding your partner, you’ll not only be able to control the speed and depth of penetration, you’ll be able to lean your body toward your partner so your clit is stimulated by his or her pubic region. It’ll also give your partner an unbelievably sexy view of your rockin’ bod.
If you’re plowing a penis, suggest a cock ring. These are small rings made out of stretchy plastic that are put at the very bottom of the shaft of a penis. Generally they’re used to help men last longer (since they slow the blood flow from the erect penile tissue) but many also come with a mini vibrator attached to the top. Turn this on and each time your man pushes his member into your lady flower your clit will be stimulated by the vibrations.
You may also want to ask your partner to touch your clit for you. Positions that put your partner behind you will give them access to your clit the way you would have access to it if you were masturbating. Just make sure you’re very clear about what feels good and what doesn’t.
Love,
Di
