Dear Di,
I have recently gotten myself into a dominant/submissive long-distance relationship from an Internet site. I have no experience in this, but it’s something I’m serious about trying and I’m very excited about it. The man who is now claiming to be my master says he is very experienced in this field of sex, if you will. I am turned on by his consistent approval with my continuation to make him happy and going through with the tasks he presents to me. My question to you Di, is this a safe relationship? I will eventually have to and want to meet him when he visits, and I’m so damn excited to find out more about the physical side of this relationship. But I want to make sure he’s safe. He’s already got me moulded to want to be his slave and I’m more turned on every day from his commands than anyone I’ve ever been physical with. Is there a safer way to meet people to do this?
—Seduced Under Brilliance
Dear SUB,
Congratulations on finding a relationship that makes you feel aroused and excited. That is one of the most challenging parts of having great sex and I’m glad you’re so open to trying new things to take control of your inner desires.
That said, since your dominant/submissive relationship is online, it isn’t necessarily the safest for you to continue in real life, especially if he lives far away.
We’ve all heard the sappy stories of happy couples meeting through online dating sites. Though it can be perfectly safe to meet up with someone you met online, there are ways you need to protect yourself from possible harm.
If he was from Ottawa or lived relatively close, I would advise meeting up non-sexually four or five times before even considering the idea of beginning a physical relationship with your fella. But because he lives so far away, it would probably take months and months before you knew enough about him in person to ensure your sexual relationship would be a safe one. Of course if you’re both willing to put in the effort, that might be able to work out. Just make sure the first few times you meet with him you give him no information about your address and you meet in an open, well-lit public setting. Grab a coffee, go bowling, or walk around the Market. And always make sure you have a friend who knows where and when you’ll be meeting your dom.
If he manages to come for a few visits and hang out sans sex and you feel completely comfortable and safe with him, you may discuss the possibility of participating in sex together. Otherwise, it’s worth the wait to find someone in the city who wants to satisfy your slave fantasies.
Fetlife.com is a social networking site for the BDSM and fetish community. You should be able to meet a group of like-minded people who practise BDSM in your area. Often these groups hold events where you can mingle and explore your own fetishes with a ready and willing partner. To ensure your safety on this site, limit the personal information you give (even use an alias while online), and make sure you only go to your first few events with a group you’d like to meet in a public setting. Do not go to someone’s house if you don’t know the participants.
It would also be in your best interest to have a trusted friend tag along to offer support and even their opinion on the people you’re thinking of beginning sexual and platonic relationships with.
Love,
Di
Dear Di,
One of my current partners is a big fan of the sext. She sends me naughty pictures of herself on a regular basis, and loves asking me about my wet pussy. I’m OK with it if it’s something that turns her on, but I’m really awful at coming up with creative sexts. Do you know of any books or websites I can use for inspiration?
—Sexty Times
Dear ST,
The art of sexting is not as simple as people make it out to be. Sometimes, especially for those of us who aren’t particularly vocal in the sack, coming up with interesting ways to express our sexual feelings in writing can be a chore and a bore.
The best tool you have at your disposal to learn how to write in a sexual tone is any form of written erotica. Be it a romance novel you acquired at Chapters, or free online porn writing from sites like Sextails.com, reading how other people express their desires in writing will help you do the same. Plus it will give you synonyms for frequently used words and phrases. Referencing your soaking wet pussy is only hot once or twice.
Love,
Di
