Dear Ty

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Dear Di,

I love anal penetration. It’s at the point where unless I have some serious butt lovin’, I won’t orgasm. It can be really hard when not all my partners are happy to play the back hole. Is there any way to get it going on more frontally to keep everyone happy?


Dear BEB, 

Back, down, all around—you deserve to be pleasured in whatever way makes you happy! And it’s no wonder—your derriere has super sensitive nerve endings, which is why you find so much pleasure there.

Your anal area can be stimulated by a finger, tongue, penis, sex toy, or any other anally-approved apparatus. If your partner is reluctant to provide your back-end pleasure themselves, you might have to test ride a new play toy. If you do invest, make sure the size of your toy is ass-appropriate, since the anus is a little less elastic than other holes! Lube is also a key consideration for safe sex to help keep your slide slippery.

Anal beads are a hot commodity for both men and women. Picture a naughty strand of pearls that’s inserted into the anus and pulled out during orgasm for a little added pleasure. You can start out small and move your way up in size for greater stimulation and intensity as you see fit. They’re also an easy addition to work into coitus of any kind.

You might also want to try exploring fun with frontal fornicating. Perhaps you can find a unique way—with a little help from your friends—that will maximize your pleasure front to back and back to front. Enjoy!



Dear Di,

At some point, I managed to get an STI from one of my partners. I had the pleasure of finding this out after getting my first PAP smear done, and now I am slowly drowning in self-pity and terror. What do I do now? In the spirit of anonymity, I should also disclose that I have had more than 40 partners in various ways during university. I don’t know who gave me this STI—or when—and I feel incredibly guilty.

—STIgma Problems

Dear SP, 

Sexual health is the most important issue surrounding sex itself, yet it manages to get little to no attention despite the severity of what can go wrong.

There’s no point wallowing in guilt and self-pity. You need to take steps immediately to ensure your own health, and the health of your various other sexual partners.

Most importantly, it’s time to go have some awkward but necessary talks with your past partners. Starting with your more recent sexual acquaintances, you should let them know about your STI and ask if they’ve been tested recently—that way you can trace the STI back to its source. Doing this will ensure the least amount of people have to go through the same ordeal you’re going through now.

It’s also important you have a similar talk with your future sexual partners, no matter how unsexy it may feel. Opening the lines of communication will at least act as a first-step preventative measure to protect you both.

After you’ve taken care of all those awkward conversations, you need to start focusing on positive thoughts. You shouldn’t feel embarrassed or guilty. STIs aren’t always easy to diagnose without testing, as many of them show no signs for weeks. You can also contract some STIs even when you’ve used proper protection. They aren’t as rare as you think—lots of people have had or will have some form of an STI during their lives, and it’s important that we work together to break the stigma of STIs as dirty.