Dear Di,
I am a 31-year-old female student who left the workforce to return to school. Even though I’m a mature student, I feel 10 years younger than my actual age, and everyone tells me I look 20. Feeling so young at heart, I would really like to fuck a younger man. Does that happen here at the University of Ottawa? A few young’uns have been after me, but I have a tendency to brush men off. It’s not that I’m not interested—I am, especially in their lovely cocks—but I just don’t know how to play the game. I only lost my virginity at age 24, but once I discovered sex, I immediately regretted waiting so long to get laid. Now I want to make up for lost time.
What should I do? Do you think a university-aged man would want to get with a 31-year-old woman? I fear telling men my true age. They always assume I’m their age, and I keep picturing this awful scenario where I tell them and they run away disgusted and laugh at me with all of their friends. Help me, Di!
—Watching Too Much Cougar Town
Dear WTMCT,
Age is just a number! As long as you’re having consensual sex with men who are at least 18, you’ve got nothing to worry about. From your question, it seems to me that you’re more interested in banging than you are in building a relationship right now—if the boys are on the same page and just want to do you, you’re under no obligation to bring up your age before getting into bed.
Most guys looking for a lay won’t ask to see your license before letting you drive their stick, but plenty of conversations start off with, “What year are you in?” I definitely don’t advise lying, but you can tell the truth without revealing your exact age. Explain you were working for a few years and then decided you wanted to come back to school and you’re in your second (or whatever the case may be) year of your program. For every guy who makes a big deal about your age, there will be dozens more who won’t; plenty will be impressed with themselves that they landed a hot older woman.
As for “playing the game,” it doesn’t need to be as complicated as you think. Instead of brushing off the men who make advances on you, welcome them with open arms (and legs). Offer dudes your digits, enjoy a Sex on the Beach if someone offers to buy you one, and tell guys straight up you’re interested in something hot, heavy, and casual. Other than that, have fun and stay safe! Protect yourself by making sure someone always knows where you are, inviting cubs back to your den rather than going to their place, and using condoms.
Other than that, enjoy the fact that you’re ageing so gracefully, and don’t let little things like age get in the way of having fun.
Love,
Di
Dear Di,
You know when you really, really gotta go? When you’ve held it in all day and are just dying to piss? Lately, when that’s happened to me, I’ve been picturing peeing on my partner instead of into a toilet. I know golden showers aren’t thought of as sexy by very many people, but I think urinating on another person would be really pleasurable for me.
I’m obviously not going to just start sprinkling my piss all over without talking about it first, but how can I convince my lover that adding more of my fluids to our bedroom mix is something worth trying? We’re normally pretty tame. Occasionally we spank each other or role play, but that’s about it.
Also, is it safe? I know urine is sterile, but are there other things to think about?
—Want Everything to be Wet
Dear WEW,
Urine luck! All puns aside, there are so many ways people derive pleasure from playing with pee, that with a little bit of trust and a willingness to experiment from your partner, you shouldn’t have too much trouble fulfilling this fantasy. The act of peeing in a sexual context can be fun. Just think—peeing in the bedroom is a bit taboo and therefore can be exciting, you can get emotional pleasure from being able to trust the person you’re with enough to perform this act, orgasms can be more intense when you’ve got a full bladder, and it can add a little dominant/submissive play into your sexual relations, the act of peeing in a sexual context can be fun.
How to go about it? I suggest leaving this issue of the Fulcrum on your coffee table, open to this page. You can judge his or her reaction and broach the topic from there. If they seem hesitant but open to the idea, explain that it’s something you’d really like to try out at least once and there’s no one you’d rather try it out with than them. Tell your babe that you two could attempt it in the shower, where it’s clean and easy to stop if either of you are uncomfortable. If your sweetheart seems extremely turned off at the thought, explain that it’s a fantasy and encourage them to share theirs with you. Even if your boo never agrees to get peed on, perhaps you two can find another way to act it out. One idea is to role play the scenario via instant messaging instead of in person, so you can get yourself off to the idea while still interacting with your partner.
Finally, you’re totally right to say that pee is sterile, and as long as you don’t have any open sores, it shouldn’t cause any infections. Do be aware, though, that hepatitis B, a few STIs, and even urinary tract infections can be spread through urine, so make sure you both get tested before introducing golden showers to your repertoire. Have fun!
Love,
Di
