Dear Ty

Dear Di,

Is it true that I can get an STI or HIV easier from an uncircumcised penis than a circumcised one? Thanks!

—Avoiding Certain Dicks

 Dear ACD,

Interesting question—let’s start with the facts. The difference in an uncircumcised gent is that his wiener has a bit of wrapping. The foreskin is the retractable fold of skin that covers the tip of the penis, helping keep it moist and sensitive to stimulation. There are some studies that suggest being circumcised reduces the risk of HIV transmission in male-to-female vaginal sex—but some studies don’t. The risk may be higher because tiny micro-tears can appear in a cock’s turtleneck as it’s made of more delicate tissues—thus increasing the chances of infection.

Either way, ACD, you can’t always tell if a sausage has gone bad by looking at it. Hedging your bets by skipping out on hooded hotties isn’t smart, plus you might miss out on some dynamo action. The best way to protect yourself, regardless of the amount of skin surrounding the salami, is by using condoms—no excuses: You can get them for free from Health Services on campus, or pick up a pack of Trojans for less than six bucks. With the amount of boning I do, I personally prefer to buy in bulk. Find a friend with a Costco membership and tag along on his or her next shopping trip to grab a box—you’ll get much more bang for your buck. Pun intended. Just make sure to use them before the expiry date, and enjoy!

Love,
Di

 Dear Di,

I’ve been with my girlfriend for about six months now, and things are great between us—there’s just one problem. When we’re having sex, I can’t seem to orgasm unless I imagine a guy watching the two of us. Kinda awkward for a lesbian, eh? Is there something wrong with me? I love my girlfriend a lot and I’m scared that if I talk to her about this, she’ll think I’m weird or will think she’s doing something wrong—which she’s not at all.

Not to mention, how many lesbians out there would think I am a traitor on the “not just for male entertainment” issue?

—Peeping Tom be Gone

 Dear PTG,

You’ve fallen into a trap that far too many people fall into—thinking that your sexual behaviours and preferences are somehow wrong. Students write to me with their worries about being interested in feet and balloons and diapers and anime characters. The truth is, there are a bunch of people in this world, and a huge spectrum of things that turn them on. You’re no different, PTG—you’re just a bit of an exhibitionist!

And you’re not a traitor—for some people the forbidden nature of a peeping Tom watching two women is thrilling in and of itself, and might be the reason thinking about a voyeuristic guy gets you off. You’re probably picturing him getting all hot and bothered while he watches, making you feel sexy and uber desirable—feelings that are no doubt helpful in reaching the big O.

From what I can tell, your fantasies are having no ill effect on your sex life. You’re able to orgasm and your girlfriend is probably satisfied that she’s able to make you reach your peak too—sounds like a pretty solid situation to me! What appears to be your problem is the feeling that you’re keeping a secret from your girlfriend and worrying about what other gay chicks would think of your fantasy.

You have a couple of options. The first is to keep mum, keep fantasizing about a man watching you two, and keep having great orgasms. Hopefully I’ve calmed your fears a bit about there something being wrong with you—there isn’t, for the record—and you can continue on with your superb sex life guilt-free.

Of course, feel free to tell your girlfriend about your fantasy. I would advise you not to word it as, “I’m unable to orgasm without imagining a dude watching us.” Rather, share that one of your fantasies is being a little bit exhibitionist and having a pair of male eyes on the two of you—tell her that sometimes thinking about that during sex makes the orgasms she gives you all the better. Sure, you’d be bending the truth a little, but it will let you gauge her thoughts on the matter without the risk of damaging her ego. Maybe just getting it off your chest will be enough to help you feel less guilty. Hopefully the doors of communication will open a little wider, she’ll share some of her fantasies, and overall your sex life will improve even more!

A third option is to try to train yourself off of your current style of cumming. Start this process by focusing solely on the feelings and sensations of sex when you’re next with your lady. You might fail to reach your peak the first couple of times—you’ve primed your body to expect orgasm under only one set of mental circumstances. But realize it’s okay if you don’t hit the big O. By taking the pressure off yourself you’re more likely to relax and truly focus on your girlfriend’s pleasure, which might turn out to be enough of a turn-on to get you off. If after a few sessions like this, you still can’t get your pussy pulsating the way it did at the thought of a man watching, accept a little extra help from a showerhead or vibrator to get off. Use the added stimulation to avoid thinking about a random dude, and realize that you can come without that particular fantasy.

Love,
Di

Questions for Di?
Email deardi@thefulcrum.ca or find her on Twitter (@Dear_di)