Dear Di,
My boyfriend is really religious but I’m not. We’ve abstained from having sex for four months now. The religion aspect was something we both were aware of before we started dating, but it has been becoming more of a problem as our relationship has progressed. He has said that he’s ready to have sex although it will be his first time. I just can’t bring myself to seal the deal knowing that I’ll be his first but probably not his last. I am graduating this year, and I don’t want to take his virginity if we aren’t going to be together forever because I understand how important his purity is to him. Am I being unreasonable to say no to sex?
—Sending Up a Prayer
Dear SUP,
I don’t think you’re being unreasonable for refusing sex knowing how it may affect your relationship and your man in the long run, but I’m sure you’ve got him wondering what’s the holdup. Is there anything other than his religion that’s holding you back? If you’re a virgin, maybe that’s what’s keeping you from taking things to the next level, and in that case, you two should definitely talk this over. However, if you’ve rolled around in the sack before—and I hope that your boyfriend would be aware of this—you want to practise what you preach and let him know your reservations concerning his religion and your relationship.
I think you’re being really considerate to think about how sex will impact his religion and your relationship long-term, but it’s no reason to deny your sexual desires too. Before the sexual tension becomes hotter than hell, I think you two need to have a sexual sermon of your own about where you see your relationship going in the future. If you see this as a relationship ending before death do you part, then be honest with your partner and tell him that. It will give him the choice of deciding if he’s still willing to seal the deal right now or would rather take a step back onto holy ground.
Although I might be calling out the Lord’s name tonight in a more impassioned manner, I promise to send a prayer to both of you.
Love,
Di
Dear Di,
A few times while having sex or even just during foreplay, I’ve noticed this crazy urge that I have to pee. While I’m definitely aroused in the moment, I’m also terrified that I’ll lose control over my bladder in bed. It’s making me kind of anxious and I’ve felt really unsexy in bed. Do you have any suggestions?
—Peeved
Dear Peeved,
You may have a case of the G, not the P! If your partner is giving your private parts their proper pleasure, the sensation you’re feeling may actually be from G-spot stimulation. The wonderful jackpot of sex, your G-spot, is most commonly stimulated when you’re doing it doggy-style, when you’re on top, or otherwise when your pelvis is lifted up. A woman’s G-spot is actually located close to the bladder, so it’s common for women to confuse the sensation of an impending orgasm with the urge to pee. It also means that during penetrative sex your partner’s penis can indirectly put pressure on your bladder.
If you’ve been having a bit of a leaky faucet down there, you may be experiencing female ejaculation. Stress incontinence can also cause the release of small amounts of urine when you orgasm, but this is also pretty normal. In the future, always make time to hit the loo before your bang in bed (remember to pee after sex too to prevent UTIs).
Meanwhile, in your spare time, I’d encourage you to do some solo investigation of your lady parts to see if the feeling persists. If you do have problems with controlling your bladder and it seems to be getting worse, don’t be afraid to talk to your doctor. But more likely, and much more pleasurably, I think you’ll be able to better acquaint yourself with your reliably-satisfying G-spot.
Love,
Di
