Dear Di,
At a Halloween party last weekend I got totally trashed and ended up sleeping with a good friend’s boyfriend. I feel awful. It was a horrible, terrible, drunken mistake and I wish I could take it back. I haven’t seen him since the event, and he texted me once just to say, “Don’t say anything to her, k?” I feel conflicted for a bunch of reasons. I think that if he was willing to cheat on her once, what’s to stop him from doing it again? But at the same time, I don’t want to lose my friendship with my friend and I know she won’t forgive me for doing this. What should I do, Di? Help!
—Accidental Cheater
Dear AC,
Stuck between a rock and a hard place, aren’t you? In general, I’m a believer that honesty is the best policy. Her boyfriend doesn’t sound overly remorseful in the brief text he sent you, and if you think he’s a serial cheater, your friend has the right to know. You can try to focus the blame on him in order to maintain the friendship, but we all know it takes two to do the horizontal tango, so don’t expect to be let off scot free. Chances are she’s going to be pissed, and who can blame her? You crossed a line, and it will be up to her to determine how your friendship proceeds—if it does at all.
Does she necessarily have to know it was you he cheated with? You can always make up a story about him with another girl, but beware of getting caught. If she confronts him about it and he blabs the truth, you’ll be in worse trouble than if you had told her straight up what happened.
A third option is to let sleeping dogs lie. If you can live with the guilt of what you did—knowing your friend is unknowingly staying with a straying guy—the easiest out is to just stay mum. Better yet, start making comments about his worst traits. The least you can do is help her to leave her unfaithful boyfriend. It wouldn’t hurt to take a good, hard look at yourself either, and ensure from here on out you’re a loyal, caring friend who always treats when the two of you go to Starbucks.
Lastly, don’t let it happen again. Next time, plant your pussy on an available prick. Drunken, consensual sex can be great fun and exactly what you’re craving after a bottle or two of chardonnay, but next time put your sights on someone you can sleep with without all the fallout. It shouldn’t be hard to avoid playing mistress in the future—if you’re ever tempted, just think back to how bad you feel right now.
Love,
Di
