Dear Ty

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Dear Di,

My boyfriend is away on exchange this semester, and I’m already starting to feel lonely. We’ve previously talked about long-distance sex, and I’m pretty eager to try it out. I don’t really like sending nudes, but I’m down for pretty much anything else. How would you recommend keeping things spicy when you’re 3,000 km away?

—Online Orgasm

Dear OO,

There often comes a time, whether it’s with summers at home or semesters abroad, where a university couple has to spend extended periods of time apart. While being long distance can pose a challenge to some couples, it can also make your relationship stronger in the end.

It also doesn’t mean your sex life needs to be any less steamy. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, but what’s less known is how much more responsive the clitoris and/or penis can become.

In fact, long-distance relationships give you a chance to experiment in ways that you probably haven’t thought of before.

Safe sex on the internet can be as important as safe sex IRL, so make sure to discuss your boundaries with your partner beforehand. You’ve already mentioned your aversion to sending nude photos (and in the age of revenge porn and Carlos Danger, it’s totally understandable) but you can still use other technologies to get your guy and yourself off.

Phone and video sex are a sure-fire way to keep the passion alive across any ocean. Make sure you set aside enough time so you aren’t interrupted by family, friends, pets, or any other responsibilities. Also, try to set up your space as you normally would when you and your boyfriend have sex. You don’t usually get it on with your email open, and a pile of clothes on the bed right?

Student life can be hectic, so I won’t judge you if you skip this step, but if you have a little extra time you can try to up the ambience. Whether that involves lighting candles, putting on some lingerie, grabbing your favourite sex toys, or maybe putting on porn in the background, the possibilities are endless.  

Long-distance relationships are also a great opportunity to get creative with your sex fantasies via sexting. Feel free to indulge your fantasies via role play wherever you are during the day. Whether it’s in your cubicle at the office, or during a break between classes, shooting your partner some steamy texts whenever you have a private moment can help add spontaneity to your sex life.

With the time difference that comes with an exchange, it will surely be a welcome surprise, wherever he is. So rest assured, while it may seem lonely now, going long distance can help you go the distance with your SO. Hopefully, it’ll even help you get closer—in more ways than one.  

Love, Di


Horny Homework: The trombone

Have your partner stand with their feet hip width apart. Kneel down behind them and give them some good old annalingus. At the same time, bring one of your hands around them so you can play with their penis or clitoris at the same time.

Dishing with Di: Contraception in the classical era

The ancient plant silphium was a giant type of fennel used in the ancient city of Cyrene (present day Libya) for many purposes, including contraception. Silphium was so important to the economy of Cyrene that it was pictured on most of their currency, but it is thought to have since gone extinct. Another contraceptive used in classical times was pennyroyal, which scientists now know contains pulegone, which terminates pregnancy.