Dear Di,
I’m in a long term relationship. Or, at least it feels long. My boyfriend and I have been dating since high school and I feel like he’s a different person lately. Instead of talking about where our relationship will go in the future, he’s talking about what it would be like to have a threesome. I’ve been thinking that this would spice up our sex life, but maybe he just wants to be with other women. What do I do?
-Threesome troubles
Dear TT,
Sorry to hear about your frustration. Sounds like you and your boyfriend may be in two different places, at least sexually speaking.
From high school to post-secondary a person’s character changes a lot. You’re figuring out what you like, who you are, and what you are comfortable with. Through this process, it’s important to always trust your instincts and be true to yourself.
In terms of this threesome situation, the first step is asking yourself how you feel about your relationship. By this I mean: are you open to casual sex with a third person? If you are uncomfortable with this idea then you need to be honest with yourself and open with your partner.
If your partner is pressuring you into doing something you don’t feel like doing, regardless of how long you have been together, it’s important to not feel like you have to do something simply because you are in a relationship. If someone doesn’t respect how you feel, then they don’t respect you—period.
On the plus side, maybe this is a good time to talk to each other about other adventures between the sheets that can satisfy both of your needs. What is exciting to him about the idea of a threesome? Maybe it’s the novelty that he likes. If he loves you and respects you, he should be willing to compromise with other ideas.
If that’s the case, there are several sensual ways that you can meet him in the middle.
Get into character. Remember playing dress up as a kid? You don’t have to save your Halloween costume for October. Incorporate different outfits and looks and give yourself different names. Have you visited sex stores as a couple? That would give him free reign to show you what toys and costumes he is interested in.
If none of this appeals to you, and you or your boyfriend feel your needs are unfulfilled, it might be time to reevaluate.
Please remember, he is not the last man left on Earth and there is always life after whatever change may cum.
Love,
Di
Dear Di,
It’s always been my fantasy to have sex in an outdoor pool. But my girlfriend is kind of wishy washy about the whole issue and feels it might be unsafe. Any intel I can use here to make this happen?
-Wanting it wet
Dear WIW,
Sex in a pool, much like sex on the beach, sounds sexy, fun, and adventurous, but in reality it can be tricky, awkward, and have uncomfortable side effects.
Remember, chlorinated pools are actually not good for your body if you’re in there for too long, with side effects including severe eye, skin, and lung irritation. So, if a marathon shag is what you had in mind, you might want to think again.
A salt water pool has less chemicals, but still uses chlorine, so you might have to choose between the lesser of two evils. But whether it’s a salt water pool or not, you still have to contend with decidedly unsexy issues like peeping neighbours, penis shrinkage, and floating ejaculate.
For these reasons, you might want to try shower sex, since it’s at least indoors. In terms of typical penis-vagina penetration, shower sex can still be tricky, but you could mitigate that fact by getting into a more comfortable position like doggy style. Or, if you’ve got the leg strength, you can lift your lady up against the wall and she can enjoy the ride.
Bottom line, no matter where you are having sex, don’t be afraid to tell her what you like or what you want to try. Your sex life will thank you, pool or no pool
Love,
Di
