Dear Di,
I’m torn—literally. I slept with a guy a few days ago and he was huge. I’ve slept with my share of guys before, but never with quite a catch of this caliber and circumference. I was kind of nervous before sex because I didn’t know him that well, and during sex I felt some pressure, but I relaxed into it and we did our thing. The next morning, I felt like my vagina had been through an earthquake and divided in two. I did some self-exploration and discovered a rip at the top of my inner labia. Is this normal or is there something wrong down there? Will it get infected? Am I destined to be torn for life?
— Torn in the Middle
Dear TM,
Tearing of anything during sex is never a good thing, and in your case this sounds pretty painful. But let me assure you, such tears are completely normal. Cuts are pretty common, but the greater the size of the cut, the more pain in your privates. The size of his cock coupled with your nerves can definitely make you tighter and drier down there, and if you two didn’t partake in a lot of foreplay it may have created a recipe for ripping. The vagina is elastic and made to accommodate a variety of sizes, but women often require about 20 minutes of sexual stimulation—nipple teasing, fingering, getting eaten out—before we get all those juices flowing.
Another alternative to stay away from such rips in the future is a trusty bottle of lube. You’ll make your sex more streamlined and smooth and provide a bit more protection down there. It helps when you’re nervous, or for those rougher nights in bed that you’ll want to enjoy. And as if guys didn’t love girl on top enough, by riding your man to the moon you’ll be able to control the movement to ensure your lady layers stay intact.
As for a possible infection, you’ll definitely want to hold off in the sack for a couple weeks. Semen can irritate the cut and cause burning. While the cut heals, a good idea is to use a gentle antibiotic and a little cloth to keep it as clean as possible. If the pain persists, a safe bet would be to make an appointment with your doctor for a thorough look.
Love,
Di
Dear Di,
I entered university in a relationship, but my guy goes to a different university. We have great sex together, but with the hookup culture here in residence, I feel like I’m missing out on something huge. Everyone I have met talks about the guys they’ve hooked up with, and when they ask about my own copulating conquests, I confess that I am in a relationship. I get this look of pity and they back off. I still want to go out, party, have a good time, but it doesn’t mean I am giving in to guys hitting on me, even if I want to get it in. How can I still crush that craving I have and stay faithful?
— Fear of Missing Out
Dear FOMO,
It’s time to give your sexual creativity a tune-up. With your man away and you wanting to stay faithful, you hardly have to abstain. You have many an option just waiting to be sexually sampled. Ready to start your engines?
A girl’s best friend—other than a sexy set of diamonds—is a vibrator or other sex toy. Sex with your guy during reading week or Christmas is a far-off prospect, but flying solo has a lot to offer. Ottawa has a couple of great shops (Venus Envy, Wicked Wanda’s, The Adult Fun Superstore) with experienced staff to help you find the right product for your pleasure.
But, most importantly, don’t take the opinions of others to heart. Residence and meaningless hookups are two things that wear thin on everyone after a while. Being in a healthy and committed relationship is wonderful and can be just as exciting (and much more safe) than those one-night flings. Respect and confidence in your relationship is a great thing, and I think this is the perfect opportunity to develop your own sexual being.
Love,
Di
