Dear Di,
My boyfriend has been asking me to deep-throat him for the last couple weeks and, to be honest, I’ve always wanted to do it. While I’m totally on board with the idea, I’m a little afraid of my stupid gag reflex. Any advice on how to master the art of deep-throating?
-Deep Dive
Dear DD,
Learning how to deep-throat effectively can be a saucy way to spice things up in the bedroom (or wherever people give blowjobs nowadays).
So what exactly is deep-throating? Well, it’s an act of oral sex where you take your partner’s penis in your mouth completely, right down to the base. It becomes difficult because of the gag reflex, which refers to the reflex contraction of the back of the throat that prevents choking. But with practice most women and men can master the deep throat technique.
There are a number of oral positions that can make this process a whole lot easier.
Many of the traditional oral positions (i.e your man standing up or lying down) are more likely to make you gag and your eyes water, which might not be very pleasant for you or your partner. Any position where your head faces your man’s feet (think 69) will allow the penis to go more smoothly down your throat and reduce hitting your gag reflex directly. Although this will make it easier, deep-throating still requires practice on your part—which I’m sure your partner won’t mind.
But make sure you start off slow. Try deep-throating for a few strokes, then try holding it for a few seconds. Once you feel good about this technique, try increasing the strokes and the amount of time you “go under”.
As with everything, practice makes perfect. Some women prefer to practice on sex toys since it’s a lot easier to see what gag holding techniques work for you without the added pressure of having your partner watching your every move.
In the end, if you can’t fully master this oral technique don’t worry. After all, deep-throating isn’t for everyone. I’m sure you’ll learn some other moves down the road that will rock your man’s world just as much.
Love,
Di
Dear Di,
On average, my girlfriend and I have sex about once a week. Even though that’s plenty for us, I’ve heard other people rate the quality of a relationship based on the quantity of sex they have. So, how much sex is the right amount for a healthy relationship?
-Numbers Game
Dear NG,
In modern society, a lot of people have bought into the idea that a relationship’s quality is dependent on the frequency of sex. This leaves many couples feeling self-conscious about how often they’re getting down, especially when friends compare their relationships using the amount of sex they have as the determining factor. Not surprisingly, this dynamic only serves to make couples feel shitty about their sex lives. But it shouldn’t.
A recent study conducted by researchers from Carnegie Mellon University separated couples into two groups. The first group was asked to keep their sex frequency the same, while the other was asked to have more sex than they would normally. The results of the study indicate that couples are happiest when they have intercourse as often as they want to. A forced increase of intimacy from outside sources like peer pressure only seems to cause a decline in enthusiasm towards the act itself and makes it significantly less exciting.
The moral of the story is, it really shouldn’t come down to the quantity of sex—it should come down to the quality.
Focusing on quality of sex and paying attention to your partners needs will leave you both feeling satisfied. For example, if you’re having mind-blowing sex once a week rather than having orgasm-free encounters five times a week, what sounds like the better deal?
Plus, you have to take into account the fact that each couple is different. Some have the collective desire to bump uglies multiple times a week. Others are more conservative in their intake of whoopee.
Just remember that sex isn’t a competition. As long as you’re both happy with your own arrangement, that’s what really matters.
Love,
Di
Sex position of the week: Saucy Spoons
Ladies, lie on your side so that you and your partner are both facing the same direction. Have him enter you as you tilt your butt towards him. This is a great intimate position where you can direct your man on how to stimulate your clitoris. You can also have your man alternate between your breasts and your clitoris as he whispers sweet nothings in your ear.
