Dear Di,
After almost four years of not seeing and old on-again-off-again high school hook up, we met up and had sex over the Christmas holidays. Regardless of our relationship status, or lack thereof, after this chance encounter I can’t get her out of my mind and I want more of her. She’s not the first woman I’ve been with, so what exactly is going on here, and what should I do about it?
-Old Flame
Dear OF,
It’s normal and totally okay to feel intense emotions after rekindling a connection.
Have you talked to her about what you’re feeling? Sometimes taking the risk of sharing how you feel can be better than always wondering “what if”. And perhaps she’s been thinking about you too.
I know it can be frightening to tell someone they’ve been on your mind, but if we never take risks because we’re afraid of how someone will react we’re closing ourselves off from a lot of possibilities, right? See what she is feeling after that night. Give her a call and tell her you’ve been thinking about her. If she isn’t feeling the same way, it’s better to know so that you can move on with your life.
Or you can wait until you see her again and pay attention to how your body and heart react. If you have that indescribable feeling when she’s close, then there is something there that you need to acknowledge and communicate to her.
As for the ambiguity in your relationship status, I want you to know that it doesn’t mean your experience with this person was worth any less because you weren’t “official”. It’s clear that you deeply care about her.
It’s also important to consider what you want. Do you want something more causal (which is perfectly lovely) or do you want more commitment? Either way, whatever you decide, it’s important that you communicate and identify where you stand.
Besides, life is short and you don’t want to be living with regrets into your old age.
I wish you all the best!
Love,
Di
Dear Di,
I have a cuckolding fetish that I haven’t disclosed to my girlfriend yet. But lately I’ve been having a lot of arousing dreams about her being with other men. I really want to live out this fantasy, but I’m not sure how she will react. So, how common are these fetishes and are women even into it?
-One Flew Over The Cuckolded Nest
Dear OFOTCN,
Actually, cuckolding is a more common fetish than most people know and it has definitely been growing in popularity. To some people it may seem strange that you would want to watch your partner have sex with another man, but it is rooted in the principles of sadomasochism (S&M).
For many men with a cuckold fetish, they derive masochistic pleasure from the shame and degradation they experience watching their partner cheat on them. For women, the appeal lies in the sadistic pleasure of dominating your husband by having sex with another man. It also has the added bonus of voyeurism (watching others have sex) for men and exhibitionism (being watched by others) for women. It is, in essence, an emotional form of S&M.
Of course, it can be difficult to bring this up with you partner, but having the discussion can open a lot of doors for sexual exploration.
Cuckolding can be an acquired taste though. Some women may feel guilty for even considering sleeping with another man, so sometimes it’s best to do a test run. Watching some cuckolding porn together can be a great way to see if you both find it arousing.
In the end, this particular fetish can be a fun adventure for both parties involved. Just make sure to communicate and establish all the rules beforehand.
Love,
Di
Popular sex fetishes for adventurous couples
1. BDSM—50 Shades of Grey and other BDSM-themed films like Secretary have helped this fetish explode in popularity. This includes experimenting with hot wax, handcuffs, and restraining your partner in different and creative ways.
2. Role-playing—Acting out sex stories, something along the lines of a cop and prisoner scene, or a rich gentlemen and house keeper scenario.
3. Quicksand—This new fetish involves recreating your favourite quicksand scenes from films for the purposes of sexual gratification.
4. Voyeurism—Deriving sexual pleasure from secretly watching others have sex.
5. Spankophiles—A lust for old-school spanking!
