We take a trip through the Fulcrum archives to unearth some classic Di wisdom
Dear Di,
My girlfriend recently told me she wants to start experimenting with girls. I know every straight guy is supposed to have the “lesbian fantasy,” but the thought of my woman with anyone else—male or female—makes me feel sick to my stomach. I don’t see the difference between “experimenting with a girl” and “cheating.” Am I in the wrong here?
—Call it Like I See it
Dear CLIS,
I don’t think you’re in the wrong here at all. What constitutes cheating in a relationship is different for everyone and it’s up to the couple in question to determine their own definition of the word.
I can’t fault you for equating your girl’s desire to “experiment” with being unfaithful—I’ve always been a little skeptical of my male friends who say they’d hand their girlfriend a get-out-of-jail-free card if she were to engage in a little vagina-on-vagina action. Sure, the lesbian fantasy can be hot, but it’s not unreasonable to expect your partner remain committed to experimenting with your genitals and not those of anybody else.
I suggest you share your concerns with your girl. Why is she interested in getting up close and personal with pussy? Is she more than just a little curious? You need to be honest about your feelings and let your lady be truthful, too.
Maybe your girl isn’t really serious about wanting to sample the sushi bar; however, you deserve to know if she is.
While I firmly believe everyone has the right to explore their sexuality, I don’t think it’s fair to ask a significant other to sit by idly while the exploration goes down. If your girl wants to venture out into previously uncharted terrain, that’s her prerogative—but you’re going to have to decide if you want to stick around while she checks out other chicks.
Love,
Di
Dear Di,
I’m a gay man who came out of the closet at eight years old, so imagine my surprise when I started a new job one month ago and promptly became sexually infatuated with one of my female co-workers. I have never been attracted to a woman before, so I’m really confused and I think something might be wrong with me. I don’t want to be straight at all, yet I can’t help but wonder if I should explore these feelings. On the off chance something happens between my co-worker and me, can you tell me what to do with a vagina?
—Gay Man in Straight Man’s Land
Dear GMSML,
Never fear, pseudo-doctor Di Daniels is here! My diagnosis? You’re completely normal. Breathe a sigh of relief and relax. Almost everyone experiences something that makes them question their sexuality, if even for a moment. You’re not the first gay guy to grow a little hard at the sight of a sexy lady, nor will you be the last.
I am a firm believer that human sexuality is never a black and white subject. For many people, sexuality is fluid, or malleable at the very least. Sure, you’ve been drinking the homo milk for as long as you can remember, but that doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you if you happen to feel the urge to sample some other flavours.
If you do decide to taste test some vagina, your best bet is to ask the owner of said vagina what she likes done to it. A few key things to remember: the clitoris is located at the top of the lady taco. It’s uber sensitive, so make no direct contact with the love nub until your woman is sufficiently warmed up.
To stimulate a girl’s G-spot, put two fingers inside her and make a “come hither” motion. Otherwise, let your lady lead and trust your own instincts. Don’t beat yourself up if something goes wrong; after all, you’re navigating uncharted waters.
Maybe you’re bisexual, maybe there’s just something special about this particular gal, or maybe you’ll look back at the situation next year and laugh. Regardless of what happens, stay calm, follow your gut, and rest assured you’re perfectly and wonderfully normal.
Love,
Di
