Op-Ed

Woo. Illustration: Alina Wang.

Top ten places to find me this summer in no particular order

Today as I was walking down the street, a man walked past me and just burped. This is my home for the summer.

My best friend is going to Rwanda, my roommate’s in New York watching Anastasia on broadway without me, other friends are exploring Asia or going to New York to watch Cursed Child also without me, and I am jealous.

To be fair, I’m not much of a traveller to begin with. The last place I went was Toronto, and I’m from there, so that doesn’t really count.

I usually spend my summers doing nothing at home, or doing nothing at my cousins’ homes in Winnipeg or Chicago, but this year, I am stuck in summer school, and also planning the future of this paper.

I’m sure there are some Narcity posts about cool things to do in the “city that fun forgot,” like odes to Blues Fest, or Pride, or Canada Day, or farmer’s markets, or museums, or beaches—maybe there are things to do in Ottawa—but I told David, the opinions editor here at the Fulcrum, that I would write him an article this week, so I’m going to make my own personalized list of places that I will frequent this summer. Enjoy.

  • The Tavern on the Hill

If you want to pay gourmet prices for mediocre hot dogs, this is the place for you. I’ve also heard the view’s not bad, and I’ll probably be there grabbing a drink, so that’s a plus.

  • Andaz

If you want to pay gourmet prices for good drinks, this is the place for you. I’ve also heard the view’s not bad, and I’ll probably be there grabbing a drink, so that’s a plus.

  • Union 613

If you want to pay gourmet prices for hipster drinks while pretending you’re a Bond villain, and/or hobbit, then the “speakeasy,” below the bar that’s only accessible through a bookshelf, is the place for you. Pro tip: Pre-drink. Also pre-eat. On second thought just stay home and order a pizza.

  • Happy Goat (Wilbrod Street)

Happy Goat is a quaint little local coffee shop with friendly staff who all remind me of Dave Franco’s character in Easy. This location makes a mean iced chai, has sweet vegan desserts, delicious sandwiches, and an interesting selection of craft beers. I also owe them $12, so I will definitely be back here.

  • 631 King Edward Ave.

Come say hello!

  • The University of Ottawa

As visited by Bill Nye the science guy.

  • The hospital

Historically speaking, I’ll probably end up here at some point. Anytime I’ve tried to do something fun and normal in the summer I’ve ended up in the hospital. Most recently, I got a head injury on my way to the beach before the bus even left Mackenzie King station. In the past, I broke my wrist trying to rollerblade. I’d bet on myself in a dead pool.  

  • ISO Spa

In case you missed it: I hung out in a float tank, and it was the best and most stressful hour of my life. I’ll probably be in one of these tanks for the entirety of the summer.

  • Home

Chillin with bae (aka Netflix).

  • Home (Toronto)

Because Ottawa blows.