Construction to begin on GOT style ice wall along 49th parallel
Photo: Kim Wiens
The Canadian government is set to unveil a new form of border protection after Republican candidates’ Scott Walker’s comments about possible terrorist threats entering the United States through Canada, and Donald Trump’s idea of a wall on the United States’ southern border. Walker said that building some sort of barrier on the border “is a legitimate issue for us to look at.” Trump has made his entire political career by saying outrageous things.
In an unprecedented move, the Canadian government will build a massive ice wall, and make the United States pay for it. “We clearly need some way to keep out American political and social ideas. Americans don’t even use the metric system. Combine that with the massive portion sizes and the crazy things some of their presidential candidates say.” said Foreign Affairs Minister Rob Nicholson to the Tomato. “We don’t want any of that in Canada. A wall seems to be the best way to keep all that out,” Nicholson concluded.
Construction on the wall is set to begin in the October and will hopefully be completed by the end of January. Initial plans to construct the wall out of concrete and steel beams were reportedly abandoned early in the design phase and replaced with ice to reduce costs.
“We decided that concrete wouldn’t cut it for what the wall is expected to do, you know, to keep American views out,” said project architect Frank Navy. “Ice just seemed a natural option because of American views that Canada is a frigid, lifeless landscape,” said Navy.
Plans for what’s being called, “The Great Northern Wall” have it running along the entire 8,891 km long border with the United States. There will also be tunnels and gates cut into the wall to allow Americans with proper paperwork, who some sources assume are good people, to cross through.
The wall is going to be an almost inconceivable kilometre tall, and 200-metres thick.
Critics of the wall have noted that it may harm trade and relations between the two countries. “Will it harm trade? Maybe a little bit but the customers are still going to be there, and it’s not like Canada and the US are big trading partners or anything,” said Nicholson. “As for the relations; if America can build a wall with Mexico and still expect to have good relations with them then why shouldn’t Canada expect the same?”
There’s no word yet on what will happen to the wall during the summer, which many officials involved in the process view as an oversight. “Yes, the ice may be a bit of problem in the summer but I believe we can handle that when we need to,” said Navy.
