University administration cancels classes and call for campus-wide “week of mourning”
Ever since Hollywood’s honorary Mom and Dad, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, split last week, the University of Ottawa campus has been taken over by an inescapable sense of lethargy.
The couple, who met on the set of Mr. and Mrs. Smith in 2003, officially called it quits on Sept. 19, a move that nobody—especially the U of O student body—could have seen coming.
As a result of the breakup, U of O president Jacques Frémont officially cancelled classes, calling for a campus-wide week of mourning instead.
To really drive this point home, Frémont also ordered that any school banners must be taken down and that all Canadian flags on campus must be flown at half-mast.
But despair was not the only emotion on display during the tumultuous week, as a group of students decided to show their anger by protesting the rejection of a student-run Brangelina-themed club. Third-year student Ashley Anderson came forward in the winter of 2016 to propose an “Anti-Jennifer Aniston Association,” (AJAA).
When Anderson reached out to members of the student executive to ask why the proposal was being rejected, they simply replied “Budget constraints.”
Inside of the classroom, professors are trying to take this high-profile story and use it to revamp the curriculum. A new class in the Women’s Studies department has been introduced by Professor Monica Dinsky, titled FEM101: Flight Club – Leave Him before He Leaves You.
“Prof Dinsky tries her best to be unbiased, but I think we all know who she blames for this break up,” said first-year history student Namita Kapoor. “I’m just happy the class is on BlackBoard.”
While most of the campus is slowly adjusting to this apocalyptic breakup, there are still quite a number who are skeptical to the validity of the announcement.
“It’s obvi(ously) publicity for Mr. and Mrs. Smith 2,” said second-year biology student Dylan Matthews.
After realizing the gravity of the situation, the university has decided to change their next Board of Governors (BOG) meeting into a Brangelina Info Session. The session claims to be “an informative meeting that discusses and evaluates the recent Jolie-Pitt breakup.”
The BOG meeting will be postponed from the original Sept. 26 date to October 2, or whenever Jacques Frémont is finished eating a giant tub of chunky monkey ice cream.
When asked what students can expect from this meeting, a representative from the BOG stated, “We’re basically just going to show them a bunch of BuzzFeed articles.”