The Tomato

League changes team nicknames to be more offensive

Photo courtesy of Getty Images

IN RESPONSE TO international pressure to change the name of the Washington Redskins, the National Football League (NFL) has announced they will instead change many other team nicknames throughout the league to be equally offensive and racist.

In a press conference, Roger Greatdell, commissioner of the NFL, explained that this drastic decision was made “after we decided our rich tradition of racism and intolerance was a fundamental part of our history and culture.”

“It was clear that Washington’s ignorant nickname was the reason why so many people loved the team. Racism is what makes football American,” said Greatdell.

The new team names will take effect immediately. Among other changes, the New England Patriots will now be referred to as the Dirty Micks, the New York Giants will be changed to the Cheap Jews, and the Miami Dolphins will be renamed the Blackskins. The Cleveland Browns will remain the Browns, but their logo will be changed to an angry Indian man.

Almost every single informed and thoughtful person outside the NFL is shocked by the blatant racism of the new nicknames, and demand that broadcasting networks boycott using them on the air.

Alfred Monibags, CEO of ESPN, said that although the new names are extremely offensive, it is not the network’s role to decide whether or not to use them.

“Our logic is based on three factors: one, that we believe we should be covering the news and not making it; two, that the consequences of taking admirable action could limit access in covering the team; lastly, that a gesture as aggressive as attacking a famous, long-standing team goes against our business model,” said Monibags.

“These are the same reasons we used to justify calling the Washington team the Redskins for all these years, even when we knew the term was extremely offensive. Essentially, doing the right thing is less important to us than making money.”

Greatdell responded to critics by saying that everybody is making a big deal out of nothing.

“They are just words, they aren’t going to hurt anyone,” said Greatdell. “Just because the new nicknames are offensive doesn’t mean we are trying to offend anyone. If people are offended by the names, that’s their own problem.”

It remains to be seen whether or not fans will embrace the new names. However, it is certain that the NFL’s legacy of bigotry and inaction will continue on stronger than ever.